Two Good Forgivers

"A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." - Robert Quillen


When I look at this quote, I realize two things. First, two good forgivers means that there is actually the sin of harming one another that takes place. This magnifies the level of what is taking place. A forgiver doesn't minimize the harm that has been done to them. It is quite the opposite. Don't avoid. Don't harm back. Don't try to manipulate. Forgiveness is the direct act of engaging the harm that has been committed. Second, in two forgivers, I see that the value of the one who has harmed us is also elevated. We engage the offender because we see a high value in them. We choose not to hold the offense against them and so then we are able to address the offense directly. Thus, both the harm by the offender and the value of the offender are highly elevated. If both spouses choose to enter into this process, then I believe true intimacy is very possible.