Sunday, October 9, 2011

Pursuit

As a man, when I pursue a woman*, I feel as though God is pursing me.

Just as a woman feels pursued by God as we move towards her emotionally or relationally or physically, we also feel pursued by him during those very moments. It is almost a paradox, or more likely, when we pursue a woman (be it our wife, fiancee, or girlfriend), it is God telling us we have the power and value to do so. This is one aspect of God's pursuit of us as men. Our pursuit of a chosen woman is somehow His very pursuit of us.
______________________
*Be it your wife or fiance or girlfriend

Friday, October 7, 2011

A Personal Definition of Joy

The inability to carry this weight and power.
Yet I carry it.
This is joy.
_________________
I wrote these words in response to how I feel when I am acting out of my true self, as opposed to my sinful nature. (Let me say that I act out of my sinful nature a lot, so don't get the wrong idea here) But, when I act from my true self, I find that I am powerful and I move people without really trying to move them. I am simply "me" and it is powerful. It moves people. Yet, during these times when I feel this sense of weight and power, I also have this realization that I am unable to carry it, as if my entire being might burst open. Yet, somehow I don't burst open. I am held together. It is pure grace. It is God. He is who I speak of. He is the weight and power I carry inside me. It is a great paradox. There is no way I can carry God inside me, yet He is inside me. It isn't possible, but it's real. It just is what it is.

The feeling associated with this paradox is joy.
Nehemiah 8:10

From Boyhood to Emptiness

I am angry over a harm that has been done to boys and men. The harm comes from men, women, and evil itself. This writing is my attempt to explore the issue. I hope it drives you to pray for men to become powerful through emotions.

To be called into manhood these days is to be called into emptiness
This call into emptiness invites us to violence
The violence is a man stripped of his emotions
Severed from the stem of what it means to be a human being

See, when we were young
We had emotions
Chemicals that ran throughout us
We were connected to our bodies

Somewhere along the way
We were told to control our emotions
They became a source of shame
Control emotions, make decisions, and be a leader - a contradiction

Do you know research indicates
Human beings are incapable of making decisions without emotions?
Nevertheless, we are told to control our emotions
We are told to somehow stop the "bad" ones

However, emotions are interdependent
Cut anger and sadness departs
Cut jealousy and compassion leaves
Cut sadness and joy is eliminated

The reality is that wounded wives and mothers bore a misplaced ambivalence
Be nice. No wait. Be dangerous. No wait. I hate you.
Other men perpetuated the lie because they were lost too
They told us women couldn't lead because they were emotional beings

So we go to lust
It is the quickest way to comply with the lie
Unfortunately lust severs all emotions except for resentment and fear
It transports us out of our very own bodies and we cease to be human

We didn't know that by departing from this earth
On fantasies of sexuality
We were inadvertently harming ourselves
Severing power and leadership

Lust is a knife that cuts off our emotions
We become dead men unfit for manhood
To cut off anger is to cut off an arm
To cut off sadness is to stick a knife into our hearts

Our lust turns us into cardboard cutouts
We have "controlled" our emotions
Now we have no more
And we are incapable of leadership

The lie was perpetuated by both men and women
Cut off your arms but learn how to throw a baseball
Cut off your legs but run for a touchdown
Organize the plays and don't let your woman down you stupid man

A woman has misplaced ambivalence
In desperation she flippantly says get your act together
Okay husband, maybe I want the emotions back, but you scare me
I want you to unnerve me but don't frighten me

Sometimes the psychologists call us adult children
But we aren't even children because children have emotions
And we aren't yet adults because we haven't grown up
We lie in a deserted wasteland that is neither adult nor child

The reality men is that every woman wants to be unnerved
She wants the kind of fear a man instills in her
Not resentment, bitterness, and violence
No, she wants the anger and sadness against injustice that moves her

Men, the five senses are a bunch of hogwash
That was a concoction brewed by yet another empty man
The sixth sense is an entire set of emotions
Chemicals that need to be re-released into our bodies

If you want to know other human beings
You must find your emotions once again
Our personhood contains mind, emotions, and body
We go from our whole person to their whole person

Oh so sad is the paradox
We've lived in it so long
And we don't know what to do
We have no vocabulary for the emotions we lost long ago

But men, if you could truly see their hearts
Their real selves - these dear women
You would know they want to be unnerved
The fear and exhilaration our feelings drive

And women, if you could truly see our hearts
Our real selves - these powerful broken down men
You would know that we are so tired of the paradox
We yearn for those emotions left back somewhere in boyhood

So you'll have to take our anger
To have our sadness
You'll have to take our jealousy
To have our compassion

Men, your responsibility is to stop lust
But it isn't for religious bullshit
It is a means to restoring emotions and power
Then a voice from boyhood will call you into manhood

You will desire to treat them well
You will see what it does to them
The healthy power it puts into you
The value it puts into them

Men, we left boyhood
But we never entered manhood
We were misguided into entering emptiness itself
And we became violent

I'm not sure exactly how it happened
But yes, we are violent cowards
Yes, we have been harmed and this harm is a factor to our violence
But now is the time to redeem your story

To enter manhood is to ask God
Dear God - please take me back to these chemical emotions
Tell me the power I have to speak words of identity to her
So that she will want to decorate herself with a sunset and city lights

So sad, culture permitted us to leave boyhood
But only to enter emptiness - a sham pretending to be manhood
On the last day, you will meet us with our emotions and whole heart
We will tell you that you do not have permission to pick and choose our emotions

We will keep our violence towards injustice
Yet our violence towards women will empty as tears
We will keep the jealousy that was protective
But we will incinerate the jealousy that bore power and control

Were it not for God Himself
You would not be able to bear our sadness
Our anger
Or our tears

The peace in our hearts will last for generations
The joy we emanate will radiate for millennia
Our anger will turn to sadness
Our sadness will turn to joy and peace

You will not be able to contend with the power of our emotions
But the power of our emotions will be the bedrock of your compassion
Our tears of anger and sadness will unnerve you
But they will be the water-source of rivers that guide you

The men of the earth cry out
You have destroyed us
Dear women who fear violence
Empty men who have no hope

On the last day
We will look like God Himself
We will have emotions that will level mountains
We will lead with a power you have never known

It will move you and restore your hearts

The Women of the Earth Cry Out

When I was young, I danced for everyone
Wearing a princess dress and a crown
A smile stole the attention of all
I knew I was on the stage and pretty

The early and middle years were a mess
I can't quite make out what happened
Something was taken from me by men
And taught to me by women

If you could see inside our hearts
You'd know this is true for all of us
See, you men think we act from our true selves
But this isn't who we truly are as women

The culture tells us many myths like
They're just men being men
The way they undress us with unhandsome eyes
Yes, we know what you are doing

But If I could go back
If I could go back to before those middle years
I'd tell you what my true self wants to say to you
I'd tell you no

You don't have permission to look at me that way
You have assaulted me
And the women of the earth cry out
Your action demands full penalty

We have said no
And this is your connection to the rapist.
On the last day, I will be holding my Father's hand
I will tell you no, and you will turn into flowers or into dust
__________________________________________________
*In the next to last line, by "Father" I mean God

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Albert Einstein

The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything. -Albert Einstein