During the first three years of my high school chess career, the wins were sporadic. Great wins. Horrible losses. I was beating myself up because I couldn’t figure out how to get better.
Senior year rolled around and it was my turn to play on what was called “The First Board”. This position called me to play against the other top players from each team around the state. Keeping in mind my sporadic wins, I decided to do a few things: play each game conservatively with a simple plan, and wait for the other player to make a mistake.
I gained a few wins and became more confident. I won the state qualifier and took third at the state high school chess championship. Years later, I realize why I became a more consistent chess player my senior year. Realistically, I hadn’t studied any more books than before, nor had I received any private chess lessons or grown a second brain for a faster processing speed.
The answer is I established a boundary. I told myself there could be no more complicated chess positions, sacrificing of pieces for a possible win, or using openings I didn’t understand. Keep it simple stupid. Play conservatively and wait for the opponent to make a mistake. The result was consistent wins during my senior year.
The spiritual point. Our culture, especially the religious culture, wants us to believe that we should be able to handle each and every situation without a loss. If we can’t, then we better figure out how to increase our abilities and get a win. This is the definition of “spiritual growth” that I’d become accustomed to. The reality is that we all have our limitations and that on many occasions, we simply have to recognize we aren’t good at everything.
Example: "I keep getting in shouting matches with so-in-so at work over our “discussions” about ethics. I go home completely frustrated and feeling guilty. Answer: Don’t hang out in your co-worker's office all the time because you don’t seem able to stay out of your 'discussions'."
Another Example: "I should be able to have lunches out with women at work, even though it’s resulted in a couple of affairs. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I keep away from doing that? Answer: Don’t eat lunch with them and get some help from a counselor or support group."
A husband-wife example: "I feel guilty and resentful towards my wife because I can never seem to fix our electrical or plumbing problems around the house. I’ve taken the Home Depot classes and everything." Answer: Get an electrician or plumber and save the marriage some anxiety.
These are just a few examples. Let’s remember that in spiritual growth, just like in chess or any other sort of competition for that matter, that sometimes our abilities remain the same. Our true growth lies in how we use the abilities we possess, and setting up boundaries against the things we aren’t good at.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
High School Chess and Spiritual Growth (Part One)
My dad taught me chess at a young age. I beat many casual players because I knew the moves and a few strategies. Control the center. Develop the pieces early. Utilize open files and attack isolated pawns. These strategies conquered most opponents.
Later, I began competing in chess tournaments. I played on the high school chess team. It was a great time with my friends Ken, Henry, Vic, Jen, and of course my teacher, Mr. Tallent. It was a fun time.
The first three years were fraught with miserable losses. I’d gain a good position, make a horrible mistake, and then loose the game. I read books about chess, studied the games of others, and practiced every day after school. Still, I kept coming up short.
I’d beat myself up mentally for the sporadic play. What was the problem? Why could I beat the most difficult opponents to find myself the next day, loosing a game with the most mediocre chap? Why couldn’t I figure it out, or get my act together?
The truth is that nothing was wrong. I had entered a level of competition unprecedented in my life. My opponents studied their chess books and played their practice games too. They were good and just as capable of winning as me.
This scenario paints a spiritual picture. Once we decide we really want to turn our lives around and gain spiritual health, it’s like we’ve entered a whole new level of competition. Now we’re competing and playing a spiritual game that’s sporadic. Great wins. Horrible losses. Our temptation is to resign playing at this level of competition, but we must never do so because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 12). We’re gonna lose and it’s okay. We keep playing, and let’s do so because we remember that God thinks we’re more important than our performance.
Later, I began competing in chess tournaments. I played on the high school chess team. It was a great time with my friends Ken, Henry, Vic, Jen, and of course my teacher, Mr. Tallent. It was a fun time.
The first three years were fraught with miserable losses. I’d gain a good position, make a horrible mistake, and then loose the game. I read books about chess, studied the games of others, and practiced every day after school. Still, I kept coming up short.
I’d beat myself up mentally for the sporadic play. What was the problem? Why could I beat the most difficult opponents to find myself the next day, loosing a game with the most mediocre chap? Why couldn’t I figure it out, or get my act together?
The truth is that nothing was wrong. I had entered a level of competition unprecedented in my life. My opponents studied their chess books and played their practice games too. They were good and just as capable of winning as me.
This scenario paints a spiritual picture. Once we decide we really want to turn our lives around and gain spiritual health, it’s like we’ve entered a whole new level of competition. Now we’re competing and playing a spiritual game that’s sporadic. Great wins. Horrible losses. Our temptation is to resign playing at this level of competition, but we must never do so because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 12). We’re gonna lose and it’s okay. We keep playing, and let’s do so because we remember that God thinks we’re more important than our performance.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Addressing Legalism (Part I)
Read the Gospels. See Jesus dismantle legalism. In fact, read the entire Bible. See God dismantle legalism. Legalism is the rules of men and women that take priority over the love and acceptance of God. It disguises itself so that you would think it was discipline or the orderly nature of human affairs. This is a facade. Legalism is always the traditions of men and women that bind other men and women in chains for the purposes of power and control. It wants us to remain passive so that it can move us rather than us taking control of our God-given lives. It’s a string of relationships that can be traced throughout history dating all the way back to the conversation between Eve and the Serpent.
Even before Jesus was born, God ushers Mary and Joseph into addressing their own personal and cultural legalism. Mary had become pregnant through the Holy Spirit. God simply decided Mary would become pregnant with Jesus and it happened. The Matthew account states that Joseph tried to save Mary from public disgrace. He intended to sever their engagement. He probably thought about the consequences of their marriage. A person might ask Mary who the father was and about whether or not Jesus was conceived before their wedding. This presented a problem. If she says Joseph is the father to avoid shame, then this is a lie. If she says that God is Jesus’ father, then people would either think she was crazy or that she was trying to cover up for an adulterous affair. Either answer shames Mary in the eyes of other people.
The concept of shame in Middle Eastern culture is enormous and our Western mindset doesn’t fully understand it. Joseph had decided to quietly sever their engagement because of this potential shaming. It was a somewhat loving thing for him to do, but in an unhealthy way. He was letting legalism direct his actions. God, however, knew what was best for them and would have nothing of Joseph’s falling sway to its influence. God came to Joseph in a dream and told him to maintain the relationship. He is born from the Holy Spirit, God tells Joseph. He will save everyone from their sins and His name is to be Jesus (Matthew 1).
The heaviest potential burden is for Mary. She will probably endure more shame than Joseph. On the other hand, it isn’t an easy situation for Joseph either. In the end, Joseph decided to follow God’s direction. Mary concurs and follows Joseph. My gut feeling is that Mary was thankful for Joseph’s leading, even though they would be swimming against legalistic pressures. From Mary’s perspective, Joseph was supporting the divine nature of her pregnancy and remained her companion. She saw that he loved her. The culture of legalism had tried to encourage Joseph to be passive so it could move him. God moved Joseph towards action so that he could lead him and his wife in their own direction. Let’s remember that God leads us, just like Joseph and Mary, to prioritize love and acceptance over the avoidance of shame and humility in our own lives.
Even before Jesus was born, God ushers Mary and Joseph into addressing their own personal and cultural legalism. Mary had become pregnant through the Holy Spirit. God simply decided Mary would become pregnant with Jesus and it happened. The Matthew account states that Joseph tried to save Mary from public disgrace. He intended to sever their engagement. He probably thought about the consequences of their marriage. A person might ask Mary who the father was and about whether or not Jesus was conceived before their wedding. This presented a problem. If she says Joseph is the father to avoid shame, then this is a lie. If she says that God is Jesus’ father, then people would either think she was crazy or that she was trying to cover up for an adulterous affair. Either answer shames Mary in the eyes of other people.
The concept of shame in Middle Eastern culture is enormous and our Western mindset doesn’t fully understand it. Joseph had decided to quietly sever their engagement because of this potential shaming. It was a somewhat loving thing for him to do, but in an unhealthy way. He was letting legalism direct his actions. God, however, knew what was best for them and would have nothing of Joseph’s falling sway to its influence. God came to Joseph in a dream and told him to maintain the relationship. He is born from the Holy Spirit, God tells Joseph. He will save everyone from their sins and His name is to be Jesus (Matthew 1).
The heaviest potential burden is for Mary. She will probably endure more shame than Joseph. On the other hand, it isn’t an easy situation for Joseph either. In the end, Joseph decided to follow God’s direction. Mary concurs and follows Joseph. My gut feeling is that Mary was thankful for Joseph’s leading, even though they would be swimming against legalistic pressures. From Mary’s perspective, Joseph was supporting the divine nature of her pregnancy and remained her companion. She saw that he loved her. The culture of legalism had tried to encourage Joseph to be passive so it could move him. God moved Joseph towards action so that he could lead him and his wife in their own direction. Let’s remember that God leads us, just like Joseph and Mary, to prioritize love and acceptance over the avoidance of shame and humility in our own lives.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Short Cutting
I was standing in line this morning for coffee when someone short-cut me. Anger flushed my body, mind, and spirit. In about five seconds, I concluded three things. First, I granted the person might have been unaware I was in-line because I stood back slightly. Second, I knew I should inform her of her short-cutting, so that if she had done it on purpose, I would be expressing her inappropriate behavior. Conversely, if it was an accident, she'd have the opportunity to be courteous and offer my spot back in line. Third, I was afraid and didn’t want to address the situation.
I felt ashamed, because I couldn’t say the following simple words, “Excuse me, were you aware that you cut in front of me?” I couldn’t get it out. I was afraid of her reaction, which wasn’t even my responsibility. I remained silent and hoped the line would move quickly so I could leave. Instead, events unfolded slowly. She turned slightly to see me, and I did one of the most unbelievable things I’ve ever done. I “glared” at her. Can you believe it? I glared at her. I don’t know if I’ve ever done such a thing. I let her see me as I pouted at her. Bitterness welled up inside.
Then another surprising event. After a few moments, she turned back around and said, “I’m sorry. Did I cut in front of you?” She offered my place in-line back to me. The bitterness ran away. I expressed my appreciation for her courtesy. I was amazed.
This story is an example of self-imposed insanity. Cloud and Townsend explain in the book “Boundaries” that part of developing healthy boundaries in our lives is by exposing our boundaries to others. We need to let others know what we will and will not tolerate.
My situation this morning was an isolated incident. Unfortunately, many of us have harbored resentments and bitterness for years or even decades at a time with family members, fellow church members, co-workers, and authority figures. We remain silent, begging for them to see our misery and repent. We secretly pray for them to appologize for hurting us by crossing our boundaries. 99% of the time, they never do, because we have failed to show them where those boundaries lie in the first place.* This is our responsibility.
The more confident we become with showing our boundaries, the more we will assert ourselves with strangers, co-workers, fellow church members, and loved ones. We will address those who cut us off in line and our hearts will become more healthy because of it.
*Many of us go our entire lives without even understanding that we allow others to violate our boundaries or that we violate the boundaries of those around us. Our responsibility is to get help from a friend or counselor in those situations. The book called "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend is an excellent start.
I felt ashamed, because I couldn’t say the following simple words, “Excuse me, were you aware that you cut in front of me?” I couldn’t get it out. I was afraid of her reaction, which wasn’t even my responsibility. I remained silent and hoped the line would move quickly so I could leave. Instead, events unfolded slowly. She turned slightly to see me, and I did one of the most unbelievable things I’ve ever done. I “glared” at her. Can you believe it? I glared at her. I don’t know if I’ve ever done such a thing. I let her see me as I pouted at her. Bitterness welled up inside.
Then another surprising event. After a few moments, she turned back around and said, “I’m sorry. Did I cut in front of you?” She offered my place in-line back to me. The bitterness ran away. I expressed my appreciation for her courtesy. I was amazed.
This story is an example of self-imposed insanity. Cloud and Townsend explain in the book “Boundaries” that part of developing healthy boundaries in our lives is by exposing our boundaries to others. We need to let others know what we will and will not tolerate.
My situation this morning was an isolated incident. Unfortunately, many of us have harbored resentments and bitterness for years or even decades at a time with family members, fellow church members, co-workers, and authority figures. We remain silent, begging for them to see our misery and repent. We secretly pray for them to appologize for hurting us by crossing our boundaries. 99% of the time, they never do, because we have failed to show them where those boundaries lie in the first place.* This is our responsibility.
The more confident we become with showing our boundaries, the more we will assert ourselves with strangers, co-workers, fellow church members, and loved ones. We will address those who cut us off in line and our hearts will become more healthy because of it.
*Many of us go our entire lives without even understanding that we allow others to violate our boundaries or that we violate the boundaries of those around us. Our responsibility is to get help from a friend or counselor in those situations. The book called "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend is an excellent start.
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