Short Cutting

I was standing in line this morning for coffee when someone short-cut me. Anger flushed my body, mind, and spirit. In about five seconds, I concluded three things. First, I granted the person might have been unaware I was in-line because I stood back slightly. Second, I knew I should inform her of her short-cutting, so that if she had done it on purpose, I would be expressing her inappropriate behavior. Conversely, if it was an accident, she'd have the opportunity to be courteous and offer my spot back in line. Third, I was afraid and didn’t want to address the situation.

I felt ashamed, because I couldn’t say the following simple words, “Excuse me, were you aware that you cut in front of me?” I couldn’t get it out. I was afraid of her reaction, which wasn’t even my responsibility. I remained silent and hoped the line would move quickly so I could leave. Instead, events unfolded slowly. She turned slightly to see me, and I did one of the most unbelievable things I’ve ever done. I “glared” at her. Can you believe it? I glared at her. I don’t know if I’ve ever done such a thing. I let her see me as I pouted at her. Bitterness welled up inside.

Then another surprising event. After a few moments, she turned back around and said, “I’m sorry. Did I cut in front of you?” She offered my place in-line back to me. The bitterness ran away. I expressed my appreciation for her courtesy. I was amazed.

This story is an example of self-imposed insanity. Cloud and Townsend explain in the book “Boundaries” that part of developing healthy boundaries in our lives is by exposing our boundaries to others. We need to let others know what we will and will not tolerate.

My situation this morning was an isolated incident. Unfortunately, many of us have harbored resentments and bitterness for years or even decades at a time with family members, fellow church members, co-workers, and authority figures. We remain silent, begging for them to see our misery and repent. We secretly pray for them to appologize for hurting us by crossing our boundaries. 99% of the time, they never do, because we have failed to show them where those boundaries lie in the first place.* This is our responsibility.

The more confident we become with showing our boundaries, the more we will assert ourselves with strangers, co-workers, fellow church members, and loved ones. We will address those who cut us off in line and our hearts will become more healthy because of it.

*Many of us go our entire lives without even understanding that we allow others to violate our boundaries or that we violate the boundaries of those around us. Our responsibility is to get help from a friend or counselor in those situations. The book called "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend is an excellent start.