I can identify with Stuart Smalley, a fictional character from Saturday Night Live during the 1990’s. He spent a lot of time trying to affirm himself in order to fight self-condemnation. I spend a lot of time trying to do the same thing. His famous line is, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” This type of self-talk, however, doesn’t work given enough time, and I know this from experience. In the end, it is never enough. It is the opposite of the gospel which says that God and others must (as a beautiful act of grace) affirm us for the sake of our survival. It is others who have to tell us who we really are—God’s treasured ones. Our responsibility is to put ourselves in communities where this is regularly occurring.
Henri Nouwen states in “Life of the Beloved” that the greatest temptation we face in life is that of self-condemnation. Our natural tendency is to condemn ourselves because we are full of shame. We have no inherent ability to affirm ourselves. Therefore, trying to tell myself a whole bunch of affirming statements and expecting this to solve my problems is like a dog trying to train itself how to lay-down and roll-over on command. It just doesn’t happen. No dog can teach itself new tricks.
Hebrews 3:3 says, “13But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.”
For the sake of our survival, God has told us that we need to encourage one another daily. And, don’t go down this line of thinking which says “I’m okay now. I can go longer periods of time without affirmation because I feel more confident than I used to. God seems to indicate that once we have received affirmation from others that we will come to realize that we actually need it all the more.
Hebrews 10:24 says, “…let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Do you have people in your life who affirm you often? Do you have a group, community, or a few trusted friends you can go to where they know all your sin, immaturity, and irresponsibility, yet they tell you who you really are? God and others are the only ones who can tell us who we really are—God’s treasured ones, His beloved. Only He and they can give us words and actions that will transform our lives. Apart from them, we can do nothing to fight self-condemnation and shame. In turn, we also learn to affirm others, just as we have been affirmed.
Finding others who can affirm us is our first responsibility. Have you found them yet?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Reckless Communion
I’m reckless when I take communion. I used to spend a lot of time trying to clear my mind or get my heart right with God in the moments before I took communion. I didn’t want to have sin in my mind while taking communion, or God forbid I should have some sort of unconfessed sin I couldn't remember. I stopped doing this, however, when I realized it was completely disobedient and destructive to the core.* I hope this essay helps you to feel free with God while taking communion and maybe to unwind some dangerous misinterpretations of scripture that I believe we often use to condemn ourselves, rather than to uplift us.
The moment I start analyzing things just before communion is the moment I have misunderstood grace and have plunged right back into performance-based thinking, opposing God's very rescue of us. I think this is supported by scripture in 1 Corinthians 11:25-26. It says, “25In the same way, after supper [Jesus] took the cup, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.’ 26For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes. 27Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.” The moment I try to get my thoughts together or make sure I don’t have any sin in my mind I subtly deny the Lord’s death and his provision for me. I am proclaiming that He hasn’t died for me. I’m eating the bread and drinking the cup with a performance based mind-set which is, in my opinion, being done in an unworthy manner and is sinful, per the bold typed font above. I also perpetuate a cycle of control in my mind that is unhealthy, the very thing Christ has freed me from (more later in this essay).
The awesome thing is that even though taking communion in a performance-based mindset is sinful, even this sin of performance or pride has been completely settled by the blood of Christ. He’s rescued us without reservation, even when we drink the cup or eat the bread in an unworthy, performance-based manner. It’s seems ridiculous, but it’s true. All He requires is the mustard seed of faith. An entire tree of performance-based thinking (i.e. keeping the law) has been chopped down by Christ’s death.
There has been an increased pleasure I’ve been experiencing while taking communion each Sunday at church. Frankly, as a preface, I commit a lot of sin during sermons. I often find myself analyzing what the preacher is saying and pinning it up against what I’d say instead. Or, the sermon might point me to a particular situation in my life and I think “oh, if so-and-so could hear this then he or she would figure things out.” I have experienced more listening-to-the-sermon over analyzing-the-sermon lately; however, my pride is still often at its highest, smack in the middle of the sermon.
When communion comes, however, I don’t wait. Get it to me and get it to me as quickly as possible. I imagine Christ Himself trying to get to me as quickly as possible, too. I think about how wonderful it is--Christ’s desire to rescue me, even from the effects of the sin I’m right in the middle of in the moment. I remember he didn’t die for me grudgingly. On the contrary, His rescue is the core of our relationship. It is the very theme of his love for us. He isn’t like anyone we've ever met. He is the definition of Romance.
So, when that communion comes. I don’t wait. I exercise the obedience of trusting in God with my sin (Romans 1:5) and I take it recklessly. The more I know I am forgiven, loved, accepted, and cherished by God, the less grip sin has on me over time, anyways. This is actually the power of the gospel, over the law, the very thing I find myself falling into. Therefore, during communion, as a way to practice undersatnding grace, I let my heart and my mind be as open as possible to all of the sin and shame I bear in the moment and I don’t make any effort to do anything about it. I simply try to remain as transparent with God as possible, living in the light according to 1 John 1:5-10, which I believe can be cross-referenced with 1 Corinthians 11:28-32 which says, “28A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. 29For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself.” Those of us who are obsessive turn these verses into something God never intended. We get wrapped up in making sure we have confessed all of our sin, but in reality we are trying to make sure we are following some sort of a rule to get all of our sin confessed and swept under the rug so that God doesn't see it any more. Frankly, examining ourselves is exposing our minds to who we really are, knowing we aren't condemned. The more we condemn ourselves, the more we fail to recognize the death of the one who rescued us in the first place. We drink unhealthy judgment on ourselves, and the source of that unhealthy judgment is our own hearts, not God. If it were not for the joy that I feel in His recue of my very own performance-based mindset in these moments, then I would be tempted to feel condemned for condemning myself through performance-based thinking. Do you see how neurotic this can get? But, let us remember 1 John 3:19-20 which says “19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” This scripture is very helpful in helping me to act recklessly when taking communion. He is greater than our hearts which are often full of condemnation.
Finally, there is a great consequence for taking communion while trying to get sin or even shame out of our mind during the last moment. It isn’t the Lord’s desire to deliver this consequence, except to bring us back to a much more gentle understanding of grace. The consequence he delivers us into is our own unhealthiness. The higher our performance-based thinking (not just during communion) results in our spiritual, emotional, and psychological health deteriorating and we feel sick or like we have died. In some extreme cases, we might even die (i.e. too much stress turns into a heart attack, or we commit suicide—even these I believe are fully covered by grace for those who believe; it is that amazing). This mental deterioration is supported I believe by 1 Corinthians 11:30-31 which says, “30That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. 31But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. 32When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.” The discipline God is speaking of here is not punishment. To disciple means to train or mentor a child or student into a better student. In this case, it means to bring the person back to life emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. The language is explicit. It says we are disciplined so we will not be condemned by the world. The world is performance-based. The gospel is grace based. This is the discipline God speaks of. It feels counter-intuitive. Sometimes, years of putrid, performance-based thinking and acting out is what is needed to bring us around to letting go and allowing God to bathe us in the waters of grace or experiencing the waters of grace we are already bathing in. It isn’t a fun path, and I’m still on that path in many ways. You can pray not only for your own performance-based mindset, but mine, as well. I feel like I have an entire tree of performance-based thinking that needs to be knocked down, much less be pruned.
One type of antidote is a good dose of reckless communions. When it comes around next time, take it as quickly as possible. He is running towards you. Feel free to run towards Him. Don't think so much about it, except that He doesn't care at all about anything else, except coming to you. Leave all of your sin wide open before God without trying to cover it up before taking the bread and the cup. Just try. You might not feel like you got it right the first time, but that isn't really all that important. I don't know if getting it right is even the right language to use here. Just remember there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. He has set us free, free to take communion without reservation (Romans 8:1-2). Therefore, proclaim the Lord's death and take a chance on grace. He offers you His full protection.
_________________________________________
*At the top of this essay, I used the words "disobedient" and "destructive" to describe an overly analytical type of communion mentality. I want to clarify something. I don't mean that being contemplative or even convicted during communion is off base. There is a difference between conviction and condemnation. This essay was written against self-condemnation. I just believe most people operate under condemnation and don't really understand what healthy conviction is, in the first place. This comes from my own experience, even my own current experience. The nice thing is He can even take self-condemnation, which is transparent, and transform it into grace-based conviction, over time. And frankly, I am currently experiencing a contemplative mindset, but I'm enjoying this contemplation after taking the bread and cup rather than before. This is simply chronological. Feel free to contemplate and enjoy Christ's rescue of you before you take the bread and the cup, if you prefer. Enjoy it as much as possible!
The moment I start analyzing things just before communion is the moment I have misunderstood grace and have plunged right back into performance-based thinking, opposing God's very rescue of us. I think this is supported by scripture in 1 Corinthians 11:25-26. It says, “25In the same way, after supper [Jesus] took the cup, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.’ 26For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes. 27Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.” The moment I try to get my thoughts together or make sure I don’t have any sin in my mind I subtly deny the Lord’s death and his provision for me. I am proclaiming that He hasn’t died for me. I’m eating the bread and drinking the cup with a performance based mind-set which is, in my opinion, being done in an unworthy manner and is sinful, per the bold typed font above. I also perpetuate a cycle of control in my mind that is unhealthy, the very thing Christ has freed me from (more later in this essay).
The awesome thing is that even though taking communion in a performance-based mindset is sinful, even this sin of performance or pride has been completely settled by the blood of Christ. He’s rescued us without reservation, even when we drink the cup or eat the bread in an unworthy, performance-based manner. It’s seems ridiculous, but it’s true. All He requires is the mustard seed of faith. An entire tree of performance-based thinking (i.e. keeping the law) has been chopped down by Christ’s death.
There has been an increased pleasure I’ve been experiencing while taking communion each Sunday at church. Frankly, as a preface, I commit a lot of sin during sermons. I often find myself analyzing what the preacher is saying and pinning it up against what I’d say instead. Or, the sermon might point me to a particular situation in my life and I think “oh, if so-and-so could hear this then he or she would figure things out.” I have experienced more listening-to-the-sermon over analyzing-the-sermon lately; however, my pride is still often at its highest, smack in the middle of the sermon.
When communion comes, however, I don’t wait. Get it to me and get it to me as quickly as possible. I imagine Christ Himself trying to get to me as quickly as possible, too. I think about how wonderful it is--Christ’s desire to rescue me, even from the effects of the sin I’m right in the middle of in the moment. I remember he didn’t die for me grudgingly. On the contrary, His rescue is the core of our relationship. It is the very theme of his love for us. He isn’t like anyone we've ever met. He is the definition of Romance.
So, when that communion comes. I don’t wait. I exercise the obedience of trusting in God with my sin (Romans 1:5) and I take it recklessly. The more I know I am forgiven, loved, accepted, and cherished by God, the less grip sin has on me over time, anyways. This is actually the power of the gospel, over the law, the very thing I find myself falling into. Therefore, during communion, as a way to practice undersatnding grace, I let my heart and my mind be as open as possible to all of the sin and shame I bear in the moment and I don’t make any effort to do anything about it. I simply try to remain as transparent with God as possible, living in the light according to 1 John 1:5-10, which I believe can be cross-referenced with 1 Corinthians 11:28-32 which says, “28A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. 29For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself.” Those of us who are obsessive turn these verses into something God never intended. We get wrapped up in making sure we have confessed all of our sin, but in reality we are trying to make sure we are following some sort of a rule to get all of our sin confessed and swept under the rug so that God doesn't see it any more. Frankly, examining ourselves is exposing our minds to who we really are, knowing we aren't condemned. The more we condemn ourselves, the more we fail to recognize the death of the one who rescued us in the first place. We drink unhealthy judgment on ourselves, and the source of that unhealthy judgment is our own hearts, not God. If it were not for the joy that I feel in His recue of my very own performance-based mindset in these moments, then I would be tempted to feel condemned for condemning myself through performance-based thinking. Do you see how neurotic this can get? But, let us remember 1 John 3:19-20 which says “19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” This scripture is very helpful in helping me to act recklessly when taking communion. He is greater than our hearts which are often full of condemnation.
Finally, there is a great consequence for taking communion while trying to get sin or even shame out of our mind during the last moment. It isn’t the Lord’s desire to deliver this consequence, except to bring us back to a much more gentle understanding of grace. The consequence he delivers us into is our own unhealthiness. The higher our performance-based thinking (not just during communion) results in our spiritual, emotional, and psychological health deteriorating and we feel sick or like we have died. In some extreme cases, we might even die (i.e. too much stress turns into a heart attack, or we commit suicide—even these I believe are fully covered by grace for those who believe; it is that amazing). This mental deterioration is supported I believe by 1 Corinthians 11:30-31 which says, “30That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. 31But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. 32When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.” The discipline God is speaking of here is not punishment. To disciple means to train or mentor a child or student into a better student. In this case, it means to bring the person back to life emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. The language is explicit. It says we are disciplined so we will not be condemned by the world. The world is performance-based. The gospel is grace based. This is the discipline God speaks of. It feels counter-intuitive. Sometimes, years of putrid, performance-based thinking and acting out is what is needed to bring us around to letting go and allowing God to bathe us in the waters of grace or experiencing the waters of grace we are already bathing in. It isn’t a fun path, and I’m still on that path in many ways. You can pray not only for your own performance-based mindset, but mine, as well. I feel like I have an entire tree of performance-based thinking that needs to be knocked down, much less be pruned.
One type of antidote is a good dose of reckless communions. When it comes around next time, take it as quickly as possible. He is running towards you. Feel free to run towards Him. Don't think so much about it, except that He doesn't care at all about anything else, except coming to you. Leave all of your sin wide open before God without trying to cover it up before taking the bread and the cup. Just try. You might not feel like you got it right the first time, but that isn't really all that important. I don't know if getting it right is even the right language to use here. Just remember there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. He has set us free, free to take communion without reservation (Romans 8:1-2). Therefore, proclaim the Lord's death and take a chance on grace. He offers you His full protection.
_________________________________________
*At the top of this essay, I used the words "disobedient" and "destructive" to describe an overly analytical type of communion mentality. I want to clarify something. I don't mean that being contemplative or even convicted during communion is off base. There is a difference between conviction and condemnation. This essay was written against self-condemnation. I just believe most people operate under condemnation and don't really understand what healthy conviction is, in the first place. This comes from my own experience, even my own current experience. The nice thing is He can even take self-condemnation, which is transparent, and transform it into grace-based conviction, over time. And frankly, I am currently experiencing a contemplative mindset, but I'm enjoying this contemplation after taking the bread and cup rather than before. This is simply chronological. Feel free to contemplate and enjoy Christ's rescue of you before you take the bread and the cup, if you prefer. Enjoy it as much as possible!
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