People watch movies that depict characters who overcome adversity or movies that display grand adventures and celebrations of accomplishments and heroic deeds. The feelings in these movies are powerful. We watch these movies to connect with perseverance, adventures, celebrations, and heroicism. The sad part is that many of us miss out on the ways in which our lives are much more beautiful and powerful than movies.
Just as an example, it could be that you and your partner decided to create an unusual and different meal together instead of going out to eat and it resulted in conversation about a troubling aspect of your relationship that needed addressing. Conflict occurred, but it was addressed, not run away from, and led to deeper intimacy. Later in the evening following dinner, the two of you looked at each other and experienced a sense of gratitude and joy for having chosen to enter relationship through a well-cooked meal and conflict. The issue was not fully resolved, but you realized you could trust your partner just a little bit more because he or she didn’t run away but chose to enter. Holding hands, you simply said, “Thank you for entering that. It means so much to me.”
In another example, it could be entering into conflict with someone at work whom you’ve chosen to forgive and approach as an equal. You enter the conversation already with a sense of peace because you’ve chosen to forgive them. By the end of the conversation, you realize they don’t understand you and you even realize nothing will change. Yet, you challenged the politics and you feel a sense of victory for having entered the conflict along with your fear. You tell about your experience to a good friend or your spouse of this mysterious mixture of forgiveness and confrontation you entered and they are able to participate in a small little celebration with you by affirming you. You can see the respect and admiration in the way they smile at you.
Do you see that when we take time to celebrate the courage required to live life to the full that we enter the script of a movie that is distributed to the angels? In these small moments of celebration, we experience feelings of power and beauty that go beyond any movie that has ever been filmed. That is because the real life movie we live is connected to the divine.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Falling in Love
“Falling in love in the Christian way is to say,'I am excited about your future and I want to be part of getting you there. I'm signing up for the journey with you. Would you sign up for the journey to my true self with me? It's going to be hard but I want to get there.”
― Tim Keller
― Tim Keller
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Jesus and The Cross. Why?
In human relationships, forgiveness always is connected to equality. When I forgive someone, I choose to be equal with them. This is because I have decided that I will treat them as a fellow human being, who like me, is both truly sinful and truly valuable. They become my equal. When I forgive them, I have allowed them to have truly harm me - thus I take on their sin - revealing what remains - their value. It neither negates the sin, nor downplays the value of the offender. It minimizes nothing and it elevates everything. It elevates sin. It also elevates the courage, compassion, and pain of the one who forgives and it elevates the tremendous value of the one who has been forgiven.
This is the same with the cross. God never self-protects. He lets us wound Him. He takes on our sin and He sobs and carries deep pain. Do you really believe that when you harm someone in word or deed that it is really just him or her whom you harm? To harm a child is to harm their father or mother. To harm a human being is to harm the One who gave them life.
At the cross, God meets us as an equal. He has become every human being we have ever harmed in word or deed, because truly our harm went straight through them and directly to Him at the cross. God somehow entails every aspect of being human while retaining every aspect of being God. His perfect love brings Him to the point that He is unable to protect Himself from harm, and this is why at the cross He is completely and utterly wounded by us.
In this moment - he meets us as an equal - because although He is more than capable of protecting Himself from us, He allows Himself to be fully harmed by us. Yet, He declares our tremendous value to Him by saying, “I will not hold this against you, but you must realize it costs me everything. You have utterly harmed me. But, you must also understand, I truly I love you and I will never hold it against you.”
To the non-Christian, the cross might seem a little weird or metaphorical, but I don’t believe it can be anything but a “historically-true myth” as J.R.R. Tolkien once explained to his friend C.S. Lewis. I don’t believe it can be anything but true because in His humanity at the cross, God says, “I am your equal. I refuse to self-protect. I will let you wound me and suffer all the consequences of your sin to the fullest extent and it will be utterly painful, but in the end, after all the wounding and pain, I will look up at you and say ‘It is finished’. All the pain will die away and I will feel complete peace and know nothing but your value.”
There are more aspects to the cross, but this is one of them.
This is the same with the cross. God never self-protects. He lets us wound Him. He takes on our sin and He sobs and carries deep pain. Do you really believe that when you harm someone in word or deed that it is really just him or her whom you harm? To harm a child is to harm their father or mother. To harm a human being is to harm the One who gave them life.
At the cross, God meets us as an equal. He has become every human being we have ever harmed in word or deed, because truly our harm went straight through them and directly to Him at the cross. God somehow entails every aspect of being human while retaining every aspect of being God. His perfect love brings Him to the point that He is unable to protect Himself from harm, and this is why at the cross He is completely and utterly wounded by us.
In this moment - he meets us as an equal - because although He is more than capable of protecting Himself from us, He allows Himself to be fully harmed by us. Yet, He declares our tremendous value to Him by saying, “I will not hold this against you, but you must realize it costs me everything. You have utterly harmed me. But, you must also understand, I truly I love you and I will never hold it against you.”
To the non-Christian, the cross might seem a little weird or metaphorical, but I don’t believe it can be anything but a “historically-true myth” as J.R.R. Tolkien once explained to his friend C.S. Lewis. I don’t believe it can be anything but true because in His humanity at the cross, God says, “I am your equal. I refuse to self-protect. I will let you wound me and suffer all the consequences of your sin to the fullest extent and it will be utterly painful, but in the end, after all the wounding and pain, I will look up at you and say ‘It is finished’. All the pain will die away and I will feel complete peace and know nothing but your value.”
There are more aspects to the cross, but this is one of them.
The Power of Equality and Forgiveness
Tim Keller -- I have counseled many people about forgiveness, and I have found that if they do this - if they simply refuse to take vengeance on the wrongdoer in action and even in their inner fantasies - the anger slowly begins to subside. You are not giving it any fuel and so the resentment burns lower and lower. "Shouldn't they be held accountable?" I usually respond 'Yes, but only if you forgive them.' There are many good reasons that we should want to confront wrongdoers. Wrongdoers have inflicted damage...we should confront wrongdoers - to wake them up to their real character, to move them to repair their relationships, or at least to constrain them and protect other from being harmed by them in the future. Notice however, that all those reasons for confrontation are reasons of love. ~Tim Keller
Steven's Response -- I know the difference between confronting someone with forgiveness and confronting someone with a desire for pay-back. Confronting someone with forgiveness feels powerful and yet has a sense of equality in confronting the offender. I do not feel above or below them. Confronting someone out of a desire for pay-back or trying to force them to "figure it out" feels absolutely unpeaceful, unrestful, and there is no equality in my pursuit of the offender. In this way, the offender will never listen. However, with equality and forgiveness, I believe that more often the offender will listen, even if it takes a long time to relent and open up to admission for what they have done. Many times, they will never relent or open up. In addition, I have also been the offender many times. I know that when someone confronts me out of forgiveness and equality that the person helps me in an amazing way to relent and open up. I believe forgiveness and equality is a way to help both the confronter and the offender.
Steven's Response -- I know the difference between confronting someone with forgiveness and confronting someone with a desire for pay-back. Confronting someone with forgiveness feels powerful and yet has a sense of equality in confronting the offender. I do not feel above or below them. Confronting someone out of a desire for pay-back or trying to force them to "figure it out" feels absolutely unpeaceful, unrestful, and there is no equality in my pursuit of the offender. In this way, the offender will never listen. However, with equality and forgiveness, I believe that more often the offender will listen, even if it takes a long time to relent and open up to admission for what they have done. Many times, they will never relent or open up. In addition, I have also been the offender many times. I know that when someone confronts me out of forgiveness and equality that the person helps me in an amazing way to relent and open up. I believe forgiveness and equality is a way to help both the confronter and the offender.
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