Dropping the F-bomb

I'm sitting here at Lux Coffee House and a nice, attractive woman working behind the bar drops the F-bomb. Why do I smile? I feel a little embarrassed or awkward. Isn't that interesting? Someone else drops the F-bomb and I smile. Just feels out of place.

Why?

I think it's because I grew up in environments where young women weren't supposed to do that sort of thing. Then, I got to college and women in my dorm were dropping the F-bomb like it was going out of style, especially those from Jersey and New York. During that time, I was also in a religious student organization where women didn't drop the F-bomb. Half F-bomb, half no-F-bomb.

I have a confession to make. I drop the F-bomb. Yes. I know. You thought it wasn't true. And, for those of you who've never heard me drop the F-bomb before, it's because it's a special word I use, and only use in one relationship. Yep. You got it. I only use the F-bomb in prayer.

The F-bomb is great for voicing my feelings and simply means "I'm really, really frustrated right now." These are sacred words I only use in prayer. I know it sounds crazy, but this is just the way it is. For me, there is no judgement in prayer. I can say anything.

My friend behind the bar wasn't dropping the F-bomb out of frustration. She was just being herself. I find myself smiling with a little sense of embarrassment because I've been entrenched in such conservative circles for so long. I'm not planning on dropping the F-bomb in public any time soon. I guess I don't really feel the need to, just like someone who drops the F-bomb more than drinking water probably doesn't feel the need to stop doing so. Why would they change? Why would I change. No need to do so really.

The major question is: What's the state of your heart behind dropping the F-bomb or holding back from dropping the F-bomb? The more important questions behind dropping or refraining from dropping the F-bomb might be as follows:

Do you still think life would be better if "he" would figure things out or "she" would stop acting that way? Do you still think things would be better if people just listened to you? Do you find yourself in mental arguments more often than not while doing tedious tasks or during free time? Is there lots of fear and anxiety and you aren't getting the help you need to deal with it?

Or, do you find yourself content? Do you understand which things in life are your responsibility and which things aren't your responsibility? Do you find moments or even longer periods of time where you'd say, "I feel at peace right now."? Do you find those times of peace even in the middle of difficult circumstances? You feel anger, sadness, and sometimes fear, but peace is in the middle of lots of those emotions.

These are the more important questions behind the F-bomb.

Finally, one more thing. If you have this nagging sensation that your heart is sitting on the negative side of things, there is no way you can get it over to the positive side*. And, if you have this sense that your heart is sitting on the positive side of things, there is no way you can keep it over on that positive side by yourself. Those on the negative side can only get to the positive side with the help of a healthy set of "others" in their life. Those on the positive side, if they really think about it, they'll realize that it was never them in the first place. They will realize that it was a positive, healthy set of "others" in their lives that gave them the freedom to live in a positive mindset in the first place.

So, whether you're on the negative or positive side of dropping the F-bomb, you'll ways need others in your life who can help draw you into the positive. You, in turn, will help them do the same thing, F-bomb or no-F-bomb. Making ourselves better isn't our responsibility, or even realistic. Finding a healthy set of "others" where we can rest and get better is our responsibility.

The real question is: Do you have a healthy set of "others" in your life?

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*An idea I borrow from Travis Stewart backed by my experience and my observations of those around me.

Believing in Our Personhood

The person who believes in us always guides us towards our God-given adulthood, our personhood, our identity. They don't try to make our decisions for us. They don't try to analyze us. This is a healthy form of interdependency albeit counter-intuitive, where we become the directors of our own lives by giving trusted others access into ours. Those we give access to are so pivotal to our emotional and spiritual health. Give access to one who tries to analyze your decisions for you and you'll never mature.

Sometimes they pursue us. Sometimes we have to find them. Do you have one? One who affirms your personhood?

Outside Sources Believing in Me

When someone believes in me, I begin to develop this audacious belief that maybe there's something inside me worth believing in. Learning this new paradigm takes an action from the outside acting upon me. It is the voice of God, often through another person. Apart from God and others, I cannot become truly confident on my own will. Interdependancy is the way God designed us. He bestows confidence upon us. We aren't able to somehow generate it of our own accord. Thus, it turns into a gift instead of a self-generated commodity. So much more enjoyable.

In thinking further about this, it occurred to me that there are so many of those around us who need us to believe in them too. Thus, when I believe in someone, they have the opportunity to develop this audacious belief that maybe there's something inside them worth believing in. In fact, 1 Peter 4:11 says that when we speak to each other that we should speak to others as though our words are the very words of God to them. Wow! Our words are so powerful because they carry the weight of God. In this way, it is really God who believes in them through us.

I think the trick here is to embrace both. We can't go around demanding that others believe in us and not eventually risk returning the favor to those who need affirmation. Nor can we go around believing in others all the time and fail to let trusted others know that we need them to believe in us as well. The first requires selflessness and risk. The second requires vulnerability. Selflessness, risk, and vulnerability require courage. It is scary.

Treating Ourselves Well

Treating ourselves well is one of the most outwardly focused activities we can embark upon.

God has Bragging Rights on You

God has bragging rights on you. It's like He's got you in a room with a whole bunch of His favorite people and says, "Guys, this is who I was talking about!" Then He stands you up in front of everyone else and says, "Do you remember all the stories I was sharing last week about one of my favorites? This is who I was talking about!"

Then he tells them your name. You've never heard someone say your name in such a way before. Romantic. You almost feel like He's whispering your name to you alone, yet the whole room is present.

Then He goes further. He begins to tell your story. The story is about you and Him. It's all about courage and strength and tenderness and repentance in the midst of an evil and broken world that you had even participated in. You still can't believe He's telling these stories of honor about you and yet it seems so right, as though it were always meant to be. His voice is safe, fearless, and trustworthy. Somehow, God's telling of the story turns it into something you had never known before.

This is what God has to say about the matter:

"¹¹Both the one who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus* is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. ¹²He says,

"I will declare your name to my brothers and sisters;
in the presence of the congregation I will sing your praises." ¹³And again,
"I will put my trust in him." And again he says,
"Here am I, and the children God has given me."

~Hebrews 2:11-13

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*According to Christian theology, Jesus is God. Therefore, these words that are spoken by him are spoken by God. They are interchangeable.