The Power of Equality and Forgiveness

Tim Keller -- I have counseled many people about forgiveness, and I have found that if they do this - if they simply refuse to take vengeance on the wrongdoer in action and even in their inner fantasies - the anger slowly begins to subside. You are not giving it any fuel and so the resentment burns lower and lower. "Shouldn't they be held accountable?" I usually respond 'Yes, but only if you forgive them.' There are many good reasons that we should want to confront wrongdoers. Wrongdoers have inflicted damage...we should confront wrongdoers - to wake them up to their real character, to move them to repair their relationships, or at least to constrain them and protect other from being harmed by them in the future. Notice however, that all those reasons for confrontation are reasons of love. ~Tim Keller

Steven's Response -- I know the difference between confronting someone with forgiveness and confronting someone with a desire for pay-back. Confronting someone with forgiveness feels powerful and yet has a sense of equality in confronting the offender. I do not feel above or below them. Confronting someone out of a desire for pay-back or trying to force them to "figure it out" feels absolutely unpeaceful, unrestful, and there is no equality in my pursuit of the offender. In this way, the offender will never listen. However, with equality and forgiveness, I believe that more often the offender will listen, even if it takes a long time to relent and open up to admission for what they have done. Many times, they will never relent or open up. In addition, I have also been the offender many times. I know that when someone confronts me out of forgiveness and equality that the person helps me in an amazing way to relent and open up. I believe forgiveness and equality is a way to help both the confronter and the offender.