When I'm in a good place mentally, I do things out of a desire to love - to do good simply for the sake of doing good. When I do things in this way, without an agenda, I feel the power of God inside me.
When I feel stuck in fear, shame, and self-protect mode and I can't seem to find a single ounce of desire to love, I ask God to reveal it in different little places in my day to day life. Then, when the desire comes, I don't worry about what I did to that person yesterday or what I might do to that person tomorrow. I just go with the urge to do good and risk the consequences.
We are all a mixture of good and evil. Somewhere deep inside, we desire to do some of the most amazing feats of goodness that have ever been heard of. On the other hand, deep in our hearts we can also find some of the most horrifying desires to even include murdering our very own spouses with our silence, our resentments, or our manipulations and control. It's all there.
Since we are a mixture of the greatest goods and the greatest evils, we must rely on the grace of God. At the cross, He forgives everything. At the resurrection, He turns us into new creatures capable of being like Him. Despite the mixture, we take a chance - we ask God to help us find the desire inside us to do good. Then He helps us find it and sometimes we do things that are told of in the heavens.
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