Self-Affirmation Isn't Enough

I can identify with Stuart Smalley, a fictional character from Saturday Night Live during the 1990’s. He spent a lot of time trying to affirm himself in order to fight self-condemnation. I spend a lot of time trying to do the same thing. His famous line is, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” This type of self-talk, however, doesn’t work given enough time, and I know this from experience. In the end, it is never enough. It is the opposite of the gospel which says that God and others must (as a beautiful act of grace) affirm us for the sake of our survival. It is others who have to tell us who we really are—God’s treasured ones. Our responsibility is to put ourselves in communities where this is regularly occurring.

Henri Nouwen states in “Life of the Beloved” that the greatest temptation we face in life is that of self-condemnation. Our natural tendency is to condemn ourselves because we are full of shame. We have no inherent ability to affirm ourselves. Therefore, trying to tell myself a whole bunch of affirming statements and expecting this to solve my problems is like a dog trying to train itself how to lay-down and roll-over on command. It just doesn’t happen. No dog can teach itself new tricks.

Hebrews 3:3 says, “13But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.”

For the sake of our survival, God has told us that we need to encourage one another daily. And, don’t go down this line of thinking which says “I’m okay now. I can go longer periods of time without affirmation because I feel more confident than I used to. God seems to indicate that once we have received affirmation from others that we will come to realize that we actually need it all the more.

Hebrews 10:24 says, “…let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Do you have people in your life who affirm you often? Do you have a group, community, or a few trusted friends you can go to where they know all your sin, immaturity, and irresponsibility, yet they tell you who you really are? God and others are the only ones who can tell us who we really are—God’s treasured ones, His beloved. Only He and they can give us words and actions that will transform our lives. Apart from them, we can do nothing to fight self-condemnation and shame. In turn, we also learn to affirm others, just as we have been affirmed.

Finding others who can affirm us is our first responsibility. Have you found them yet?