Your life is dramatic because you probably ask one of two questions: (1) Do I have what takes?* Or, (2) Will I be abandoned?** These two questions dramatize your life because there are voices (real and imagined) that tell you the outcome is in question. Because your sanity and very eternal life is at stake, your life is truly dramatic in a way that movies and novels can never compare. There is a resolution, but it is the exact opposite of what movies and novels often portray.
The problem with movies and novels is they never tell stories that ring true in real life. They are idealized. Real life is messy and often resolutions to conflict and human needs never seem to come, or at least they don't according to our desired outcomes. This is primarily because we don’t know how to move forward in our real life stories. We have so many self-destructive patterns growing up in our families, schools, churches, mosques, and synagogues; not to mention media and marketing which is part of the whole mix. All of these negative coping mechanisms, both religious and non-religious, are human made behavior-rules which forms a concept that we call legalism. The written and unwritten rules of legalism in various sub-cultures most often oppose God instead of pointing us towards Him.
There are two primary things Jesus did in his life that we should also follow. First, he forsook legalism. This means He condemned it. We should do the same. Sometimes this means actively fighting against the rules of legalists and sometimes it means leaving the legalists behind. Jesus called out the outlandish thinking of the Pharasees and the Teachers of the Law right in front of groups of people. They were embarrassed. I don’t propose always doing this, nor does it work all that often. But, sometimes, Jesus was so angry and wanted those around Him to know how stupid these rules for human behavior were that He confonted the Teachers of the Law right in front of everyone else. I don’t think He really did this because He thought it most effective to convince the Teachers of the Law to come over to His side of love and acceptance (although some did); it was more so those around Him could see how ridiculous their ideas were in the light of love. He was protecting the crowds, His followers, and those Pharasees and Teachers of the Law who did hear His voice from rules which would destroy their souls. I also think it was just a response of His anger and He wasn’t the sort of person to with-hold His feelings. He wore no masks. To the legalists, this exposure was unsafe. To the repentent person, this exposure was scary but liberating.
Most often, Jesus actually left the legalists alone and moved to places where He could provide safe zones for his friends and followers. He wanted them to come into His Room of Grace*** (i.e. the Kingdom of God) where He could speak tenderly and frankly to them about God's rules. Basically, God’s rules are that we love each other, which primarily means meeting other’s needs (in a healthy, boundary setting way) while also resolving conflict, which is also a need. It requires vulnerabilty and allowing others to meet our needs, as well. Legalists, on the other hand, create human defined rules which deny our needs and sweep conflict underneath the carpet, instead of dealing with it. These are the kinds of people we need to avoid for our primary sources of support.
There is also a strange sense in which we have to divorce ourselves from the legalism in our own hearts. This is actually the main problem. We can point fingers at the legalists or we can acknowledge we are the very ones who are part of the problem. What I'm trying to say is that at some level, we really are the legalists we are trying to run away from. We grow up with the unwritten rules of human behavior which point us away from God and we perpetuate these rules in our heart. Trying to break free of the legalism in our own hearts is like a dog trying to teach itself new tricks. It just doesn’t work. That brings us to the next part.
In addition to forsaking legalism by confronting it or leaving it, we must also find those who can offer us Rooms of Grace (i.e. The Kingdom of God) where we can find healing. These are people who tell us the truth about who we really are. They tell us that God has chosen us as His beloved children and that He isn’t going anywhere. They tell us that God fought for us, died for us, and has put a new nature in us. They affirm us. They speak the words of God to us. They tell us they love us. It is literally impossible to pull ourselves out of legalism and affirm ourselves from our own hearts. It has to come from others who tell us the truth about who God declares us to be--His beloved child.****
This morning a friend of mine ran into me at Starbucks before church. I didn’t see him because he came up to me from behind. He surprised me by grabbing hold of my shoulders from behind, giving me a guy style shoulder massage (whatever that means) for five or six seconds and then revealing who he was. We smiled at each other. We were excited to see each other, and he re-introduced his wife to me. After talking a minute or two, he said, “Steven, I’m blessed. I’m blessed to have seen you and run into you this morning.” Because I feel no judgment from this person and feel safe with him, I was able to easily accept his affirmation. In that moment, there was an emotional connection we experienced together as human beings, a kind that men don’t experience very often. Additionally, he did something else even deeper in that moment. He conveyed to me a sense of my identity. It was as if God Himself had said, “Steven, I’m blessed. I’m blessed to have seen you and run into you this morning.” Is that not the deepest desire of our hearts? To hear God say “I’m glad I ran into you this morning.” It sounds ludicrous, but that’s exactly what God did do to me.
What happened this morning to me illustrates the rule of God, which is to love one another. There was no judgment. There were no human-made rules. There was simple affirmation and a connection. This is ultimately the way to fight legalism, and to eradicate it. When we follow Jesus into heaven upon our deaths, we will see the ultimate destruction of all human-made rules and we will love each other without inhibition. The legalists, including my old nature, will not be there. You’ll get to know the real me, and I will get to know the real you. The main question is: Have you left legalism (especially that in your own heart) and have you found others who deeply desire to tell you who God declares you to be? If not, you gotta go find them.
This is how the dramatic questions to your life are resolved. (1) Do you have what it takes? Yes. (2) Will you be abandoned? No. Why? God already declares you to be the one He wants for eternity. You already have what it takes. You are wanted and will never be abandoned. He fought for you and died for you at the cross. Do you believe this? If so, then you can finally begin living. If you don't believe this, then it is your responsibility to find those who can tell you these truths.
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*Question taken from Wild at Heart by John Eldridge
**Question taken from Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge
***The Room of Grace is a term used at Open Door Fellowship in Phoenix. I like to use this term, because the Kingdom of God brings up so many images from our past that are incorrect and never the way God intended the Kingdom to be portrayed. Talking about the Room of Grace sounds more refreshing, I think.
****Idea taken from Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen
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