I called myself “stupid” three times in front of my friend the other day. She said, “Steven, now you have to say three good things about yourself.”* This was tough, but one of the three I came up with was, “I hate legalism.”** Her reply was, “And, you love grace.”
Wow. She was right, but it clued me into something new I’ve learned about myself. I realized that I hate legalism more than I love grace. Where do I want to be? I want to love grace more than I hate legalism. Or, maybe I could say that I love grace more than anything, but that I fear it for reasons I will list below. Nevertheless, I’ve realized that the fight against legalism*** is the second greatest battle I will fight in my lifetime. The greatest battle I will ever fight is to live out grace.
The reason grace is so hard is because it involves forgiveness. The reason forgiveness is so hard is because it requires giving up a whole lot that I really don’t like giving up. When someone has hurt me or I have hurt someone else, the single most difficult thing for you and I to do is to ask for, give, or receive forgiveness from the other person. For God, it required so much that He literally died to give us His forgiveness. The scripture says we were enemies and yet He died for us. When Jesus says “Love your enemies” (Matt 5:44), He really meant it and lived it out. This is grace.
Grace as a concept sounds great, but put it into a real life situation and grace might be the very thing you hate or fear the most. When someone sins against you (even someone you love) it can feel like they are your very enemy. You want to lash out at them or go into hiding. Either way you want to try to eliminate the sin out of your shame rather than out of forgiveness. Forgiveness requires truly acknowledging what happened (offender or victim) and eliminating it through your own death (letting go of holding it against the other person****). It is literally the hardest thing in life for us to do, I believe.
When Jesus tells us to love our enemies (Matt 5:44), I don’t think we get the full scope of what He is saying. We instantly think of people we hate or dislike, but we forget that loving our enemies includes loving those closest to us when they feel like an enemy to us. We have to come out of hiding, go to them and ask for, receive and/or give forgiveness. This is the greatest battle.
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*I wasn't in total self-pity mode, but she was giving me an opportunity to aid me in getting out of any self-pity I might have been dealing with in the moment.
**I also told her I have cool looking skater shoes and that I am creative. It was all I could come up with. I was playing false modesty at first.
***Legalism is the various sets of unwritten, unbiblical rules we place on each other in various sub-cultures that point us away from God and away from each other. They point us away from God and each other because they promote our hiding in sin and shame, rather than coming out into the light and dealing with our conflict; which promotes the opportunity to forgive.
****This doesn’t mean you don’t set certain, healthy boundaries, especially when the person has become unsafe. For more on this topic read “Unsafe People” and/or “Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend.
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