High School and Spiritual Growth (Part Two)

During the first three years of my high school chess career, the wins were sporadic. Great wins. Horrible losses. I was beating myself up because I couldn’t figure out how to get better.

Senior year rolled around and it was my turn to play on what was called “The First Board”. This position called me to play against the other top players from each team around the state. Keeping in mind my sporadic wins, I decided to do a few things: play each game conservatively with a simple plan, and wait for the other player to make a mistake.

I gained a few wins and became more confident. I won the state qualifier and took third at the state high school chess championship. Years later, I realize why I became a more consistent chess player my senior year. Realistically, I hadn’t studied any more books than before, nor had I received any private chess lessons or grown a second brain for a faster processing speed.

The answer is I established a boundary. I told myself there could be no more complicated chess positions, sacrificing of pieces for a possible win, or using openings I didn’t understand. Keep it simple stupid. Play conservatively and wait for the opponent to make a mistake. The result was consistent wins during my senior year.

The spiritual point. Our culture, especially the religious culture, wants us to believe that we should be able to handle each and every situation without a loss. If we can’t, then we better figure out how to increase our abilities and get a win. This is the definition of “spiritual growth” that I’d become accustomed to. The reality is that we all have our limitations and that on many occasions, we simply have to recognize we aren’t good at everything.

Example: "I keep getting in shouting matches with so-in-so at work over our “discussions” about ethics. I go home completely frustrated and feeling guilty. Answer: Don’t hang out in your co-worker's office all the time because you don’t seem able to stay out of your 'discussions'."

Another Example: "I should be able to have lunches out with women at work, even though it’s resulted in a couple of affairs. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I keep away from doing that? Answer: Don’t eat lunch with them and get some help from a counselor or support group."

A husband-wife example: "I feel guilty and resentful towards my wife because I can never seem to fix our electrical or plumbing problems around the house. I’ve taken the Home Depot classes and everything." Answer: Get an electrician or plumber and save the marriage some anxiety.

These are just a few examples. Let’s remember that in spiritual growth, just like in chess or any other sort of competition for that matter, that sometimes our abilities remain the same. Our true growth lies in how we use the abilities we possess, and setting up boundaries against the things we aren’t good at.