Grief vs. Condemnation

What happens when we name our emotions and name our desires, but our partner never seems to respond?

(BTW - I recommend reading the two blog entries before this one because this is the third in a series on naming emotions, naming desire, and entering faith and grief.)

First of all, we don't give up. All the data may point to the irrifutable conclusion that they will never change. But we have God.

I'm serious about this point. I'm not throwing out religious BS here. I am a man of such little faith, but time and time again I meet people who have stories which tell me God is true. These are stories of adultery, brokenness, forgiveness, and restoration. These are stories of passivity or aggressiveness that lead to distancing and isolation, but then have turned back towards mutual sadness, grief, forgiveness, and moving back towards one another. These are stories of all sorts of harm, brokenness, forgiveness, and the slow process of learning to trust again.

If it weren't for these stories, then I'd be shoveling a bunch of religious BS. But, I'm not.

Second, we become willing to enter grief and ask God to help us move away from condemnation and into that grief. Somewhere in grief, as opposed to condemnation, lies deep sorrow, pain, and anger - but somehow there is also peace, thankfulness, and joy. I don't know how it works, but I know I have seen it. I have seen the face of those who have entered grief and forgiveness willingly and come out on the other side with a deep, broken, thankful, open, and yes - even a heart that is capable of enjoying life in amazing ways.

So that's it. Somehow grief is where we must go when our desires are not met - either in the short term or in the long term. The loss is always there, but somehow much is gained that couldn't occur outside of staying with and going through our grief.