Above and Beyond All Pain, Shame, Comfort, and Happiness

I don't want to get away from anger, shame, jealousy, resentment, and fear if it takes me away from God. I don't want to enter happiness, joy, relaxation, and comfort unless I find Him there.

So many of us (including me) hold happiness, joy, relaxation, and comfort to be the highest commodities. We just want someone or something to take away the pain. The reality is that sadness is the emotion we often are running from most. But even sadness isn't the highest commodity, even if it is the truer emotion we suppress with resentment and bitterness.

The bigger question I want to know above and beyond all pain, shame, comfort, and happiness is this: Are you there God? I want to know if God is there in the middle of it. That is all I want to know. If God is there, then I can fight in the trenches of World War I, endure a spouse who leaves me, fail on my end in a relationship, or survive an insult that threatens my masculinity or my femininity. These things will break me - yes they will break us - we can't get away from that fact - they will break us, but what I really want to know is if God is there in the middle of it. Does God care? Does God have tears when I am breaking apart? Does God smile when I hit a home run?

If God fights alongside me, if he cries and laughs with me, then this is all I want to know. This is all that matters. Everything else comes second.