I Feel Happy of Myself!

Watch this video and then read my commentary.

For more information on parenting, see Phoenix Parent Consulting.com or Post Institute.com. My commentary below is a combination of what I have learned from the author of Phoenix Parent Consulting.com, along with my own story. See another blog entry of mine for more on my story about men and emotions called Jump Starting Emotions.



Son: I feel.
Dad: Do you feel alive?
Son: I feel. I feel happy of myself.

This boy is at a crucial moment in his emotional development. It took him a few moments, but he was able to identify his feelings. He knew how to say he felt happy of himself. He could feel real endorphins or seratonine or whatever chemicals they are moving around in his body. His identification of being happy wasn't intellectual. It was connected to his body.

Right now, one of evil's main goals is to separate this boy from his feelings over the next several years. In fact, it has already begun. When he is disregulating and can't calm himself down, he will be taught to calm down by plugging into a TV. Or, when he is emotionally upset, he will learn how to calm himself by plugging into an iPhone or texting a million text messages in order to avoid the pain, sadness, anger, or joy that he feels. Food or shopping or reading books might be another option. As he gets older, he will learn how lust is an even quicker way to disconnect. He will learn how to disconnect from his feelings and his body in order to calm down, rather learn how to stay with his feelings, continue to name them, and learn how to calm down through communcation and physical contact.

The father in this video asks a great question: "How do you feel?" Furthermore, he needs to do something extremely important in more difficult situations. When his son is angry and voicing his anger or extremely sad and crying at home or in a public situation, he needs to pull him aside and ask him, "How do you feel?" Once his son answers the question, he needs to ask the follow up question, "Can you tell me what happened? Can you tell me your story?" After hearing his story, he needs to affirm his son's feelings. He also needs help his son learn to take action if an injustice was done against him or he needs to validate his son's anger or sadness of an injustice occurred and it is unable to be resolved. He needs to maintain a boundary if his son was angry over a "no" that had been given by the dad, but he still needs to affirm and identify with the sadness or anger that his son is experiencing over the "no" that he received.

Now, I know that in real life, parents aren't always able to do this in many situations. Sometimes, things are moving too quickly. However, so often, I've seen parents shame their children in public or at home because they don't know what to do with them. They either go silent, yell at their children to shut up or stop crying (thus invalidating the child's feelings), or they pacify the child by giving them what they want. Their children learn one thing: If I get disregulated and lose control of my emotions, then mom or dad or guardian won't help me to calm down through conversation and physical contact. They will yell at me or hide their face from me. Therefore, I will do the only thing I know how - I'll do what I've watched them do when they are angry or sad and - I'll go watch TV, play on my iPhone, send text messages, eat, read, and do anything to disconnect from these out of control emotions because I don't know how calm myself and mom or dad or guardian don't know how to help me.

Over the years, this boy, if his father continues to ask him how he feels and comfort him and listen to him during times of high emotion, he will learn to stay connected to his emotions and his body and he will have a better understanding of how to calm himself when he's either angry, sad, or elated. If his father stops communicating to him about his feelings and listening to his stories behind those feelings, then this boy will calm himself by disconnecting and he will enter the world as an adult male who is incapable of being a man who can connect relationally with his wife, much less connect to other men. Not only will he be disconnected from anger and sadness, but he will be disconnected from joy as well. His wife will ask him how he feels and he will say he feels "good" or "bad". The sad reality is he will speak these words from a heart that is dead to emotion. He won't be able to say "I feel happy for myself!" He won't be able to say "I feel sad" or "I feel exposed" or "I feel nervous". He will be disconnected from those endorphins or seratonine or whatever chemicals that used to run through his body during childhood and he and his wife won't know how to connect with one another. What this son will continue to look for from his parental figures is protection - those who will validate his feelings and help him to continue to name them into adulthood. Then he will be very powerful.

One final thought: Adult men who have lost connection with their emotions and their bodies are not lost. It can be a long and difficult process, but men can learn how to feel once again and become very powerful in their lives. For more information on this and my story, see my blog entry called Jump Starting Emotions.

__________________________________________
For more information on parenting go to Phoenix Parent Consulting.com

For more information on doing Time-In's instead of Time-Out's, see the following funny video on You-Tube. The man in the video does have credentials and his website is: Post Institute.com. He's trying to show the difference between disregulation and disobedience, and how we can often get them mixed up.

Getting Serious about Play

There is a book called "Play" by Stuart Brown, M.D. This person has done a lot of research on the importance of play in our lives. He talks about how we are wired with a need to work, play, and rest. We need all three but most of us are only good at one or two of them. We have names for the sorts of people who are only good at one of them: workaholics, thrill-seekers, and sloths. I fall under the workaholic portion.

Recently, I realized my need to play more. I'm usually afraid of people who like to play because I don't do it too well anymore. But, when I read the opening chapter to Brown's book called "Play", I realized the serious nature of play. Play is spiritually healing. It isn't an option that we have as adults. We have to play. We are designed to play. Sadly, most of us spend our entire lives working, eating, and watching movies. It's a really boring existence.

If you feel like you lost your ability to play, then this is what you gotta do. You gotta get out there and try new stuff. It sounds scary because it involves risk, but if you haven't been playing for a long time, then you probably don't even know or remember what you like to do. I think the old adage which says "I'll try anything once" is a good place to start. I mean, maybe you don't wanna drop a rock in a crack pipe and start smoking, but there's a lot of stuff out there to do that isn't going to kill you if you try it once.

For those of you who are engineers and think too much, here are the properties of play as outlined by Brown:

• Apparently purposeless (Done for its own sake)
• Voluntary
• Inherent attraction
• Freedom from Time
• Diminished consciousness of self
• Improvisational potential
• Continuation desire

For those of you who are married or dating, there's a lot of "Creative Dating" books out there that can help you get started. I think that's a great place to start. I typed it into Amazon.com and five creative dating books popped up right away. Also, double dating and group dating is a great way to get out of your shell. Just try a whole bunch of things and then tell your partner honestly which things you love, find okay, and hate. Then, see where you guys line up. It's like a Venn Diagram. You see what each of you loves separately and which things you love together.

In addition to play with others there is also personal play. For example, I collect jazz records. I've got a turntable. I'll stop at the record store downtown and sift through two dollar records for half an hour before I go home. Women, you can go out to the shoe store and decorate yourself with all sorts of nice high heels and glitter this and stylistic straps that, but I'll do my man shopping at the record store. It's my shoe shopping.

So, get serious about play. If you're lounging around on the couch all day, you might have the opposite problem and need to work, but if you're too serious about life, it's probably time to get serious about play. Don't walk down to the corner and pick up a rock from the dealer, but there's a lot of stuff you can do to play and rejuvenate your soul.

No Condemnation Turns Hatred into Sadness

There are two kinds of hatred: Others-centered hatred and self-centered hatred. In both types of hatred we have condemned ourselves and others. The other morning I woke up very sad and I had the following thought: No condemnation turns into sadness. The person who knows they aren't condemned can begin to feel anger, sadness, sorrow, and grief over loss and injustice. These losses and injustices have been imposed on by others and are also self-imposed. Sadness oozes above the surface of resentment, bitterness, and anxiety which are feelings that indicate self-condemnation. It grows stronger and more powerful as we wade through the waters of No Condemnation*.

• It is Jesus putting his hand on your shoulder and you are a prostitute.
• It is Jesus inviting you into community and you never had one.
• It is Jesus putting his hand on you and you are a leper.
• It is Jesus sticking with you for three years and maintaining boundaries you so desire.
• It is Jesus defending you from being stoned by those who condemn you.
• It is Jesus fighting for you and turning tables over and telling people to get out of your house.

When Jesus puts His hand on our shoulder and we feel the warmth of No Condemnation, the years of injustice and loss for both others and ourselves turn from resentment, bitterness, and anxiety into sadness. Sadness is very freeing, very powerful, and in sadness we feel connected to God.

__________

*Romans 8:1

Jump Starting Emotions

Do you suffer from a failure to feel emotions except for anxiety and resentment? The resentment could be pointed towards others or towards yourself. Well, if you do, you aren't alone. There are many many people in this world who suffer from this sort of problem. Stereotypically, men are thought most likely to be out of touch with their feelings. - unable to name them or even feel them. However, there are many women who suffer from this problem as well.

About two years ago, I identified this problem in myself. I felt dead. No feelings. A tragedy would occur and I'd feel nothing. An amazing event of love or overcoming obstacles would occur and I'd feel no joy or admiration. I remember watching 9/11 and I had no feelings about it. I knew I was supposed to feel sad, but I felt nothing. Now that is truly sad.

Once I identified the problem, I faced a bigger problem. How do I get these emotions back? I knew I had feelings when I was a child, but something turned off and I didn't even seem to know why. I started talking with other men in my church about the problem and that was at least the beginning of the process. But, still there really wasn't much progress.

About three to six months ago (I'm horrible with timeframes), I stumbled on something that helped me to jump start my emotions. Now, I'm not saying this will work for everyone, but I'm just going to tell you my story and maybe it might help you - or maybe it won't. I don't know. You'll have to tell me if you try it.

The thing which has helped me recently is watching a number of very emotional movies. Most of these movies are about black men and women overcoming huge obstacles in their lives. The themes range from suffering, to temporary moments of victory, to life-shattering horror, to resolutions of peace. I've felt sadness, admiration, respect, honor, anger, joy, triumph, and peace.

The big thing I started to notice is that I've slowly begun to feel these sorts of feelings in my own life. For example, last month, my entire class did a project that was extremely difficult to accomplish. I made it just strong enough so that a couple of them wouldn't make it. I knew all of them could accomplish the task, but I was predicting a few of them would give up. It was my way of testing to see if they could make it at the next level. Not only did all of them make it, but they wrote amazing paragraphs. Their writing was so impressive to me that I started sharing their writings with other teachers. All of the sudden, I realized that I was having feelings of being "proud" of them. I had real hormones or endorphins or seratonine or whatever all that stuff is going around in my body. It was a real feeling. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt "proud" in more than just words. I actually felt connected to my body.

The other thing that has occurred is I've been revisiting the difficult stories of my past through things like journaling or quiet contemplation, and so forth. Many of these memories used to be laced with resentment and bitterness. Although the resentment and bitterness are real, huge buckets of sadness have begun to accompany those memories. Loss. Sadness. Etc. They have come alive. Before, the stories were dead. They had no feeling. They had no life.

Why all this emphasis on feelings anyway? The reason is that brain research is telling us more and more that fear, anxiety, and resentment block access to emotions and that emotions are necessary for higher cognitive functioning. We need our emotions to regulate ourselves and have a mental state capable of operating in the higher cognitive areas. Basically, the idea that we can be rational without use of our emotions is being disproved through a ton of research.

Just picture a child who is throwing a temper tantrum. They are totally irrational. You are the parent and you are trying to get them to calm down. If you try to engage them at a cognitive or logical level, it will never work. They are incapable of operating at that kind of level. You have to assist them in calming down, draw them close to you when they are ready, and then engage their emotions and ask them why they are so angry or sad. Once all of this occurs, then they are able to talk rationally. Before that moment, there is no rationality and they are completely disconnected.

So, let's take this to a theological level. In a biblical context, God is our father - our parent. In order to really connect with God, many of us need to recognize that we've live our lives completely disconnected from Him. We've felt dead - living with only fear and resentment, which block our access to all of our other emotions. We've lived very irrational, temper tantrum based lives that are incapable of talking with God in a rational and whole hearted way. Why? Because inside we live lives of silent temper tantrums. Some of us express these temper tantrums vocally and others hide them inside. Nevertheless, we try to connect with God in a rational way (the way of Western philosophy) but fail to see that only when we can be calmed and really feel our feelings, will we be able to commune with Him using our whole brain and whole body. Our emotions are access to higher cognition and even connection with our body and with God.

Many of us spend our entire lives lashing out against God (actively or passively) and keep arguing that He isn't showing himself or doing enough for us or for those around us. The reality is that many of us are entirely irrational and in a state of throwing a fit, failing to realize that God is right there with us. For many of us, God has been in the process of calming us over years or even decades in order to ask us how we feel. Engaging our feelings is a way in which God is drawing us near to Him, just like a human parent slowly draws their child close to them to whisper words of safety in their ear and ask about their sadness or anger. When we get to this point with God, then explosions of possibilities and depth with God abound. The grace involved is that God is right there with us the whole way through this slow process and never loses sight of what He is accomplishing, despite our tempers. His aim is to calm us and engage our emotions. I think Jesus is the perfect example of how to see this aspect of God. In the gospels, His disciples were basically throwing fits all the time, often questioning Jesus, and competing with each other. Jesus kept going with them and offering safety every step of the way. Then he died for them in order to guarantee they would be with him forever. Now that is serious passion, grace, patience, and endurance. He wants to walk every step of the way with us forever. That is a loving parent who wants to calm us - connect with our emotions - to go to greater depths of intimacy than we've ever thought possible. This is what I believe.

Here are the movies I've seen (in reverse order):

A Lesson Before Dying

Boyz N the Hood

Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story

The Express (Ernie Davis story)

Remember the Titans

Coach Carter

Finding Forrester

Anwtone Fisher

The Vernon Johns Story

Scottsboro: An American Tragedy

Freedom Song

The Rosa Parks Story

Eyes on the Prize

Freedom Riders

Freedom Writers

Dalai Lama: The South of Tibet

The Massachusetts 54th Colored Infantry

The Tuskegee Airmen

10,000 Black Men Named George

Ernie Davis - Alive and Well

I watched a movie called "The Express" about the first African American Hiesman Trophy winner Ernie Davis (1961). Of course, Jim Brown should have been the first to win the prestigious award, but race played a factor into that decision and the award came around next to Mr. Davis. Both Brown and Davis played for Syracuse. Davis helped Syracuse win the national championship at the Cotton Bowl vs. the Texas Longhorns. Ernie Davis was drafted by the Cleveland Browns and slated to play in the backfield with Jim Brown himself.

Prior to his first season with the Browns, Ernie Davis was diagnosed with Leukemia. He died the next year in 1963. He never played in the NFL. Nevertheless, the Cleveland Browns retired his jersey, despite never setting foot on the football field.

I was teary eyed as I watched the end to this movie, but I want to tell you why. I wasn't teary eyed because I felt sorry for him. I did feel sad for him. I did feel sad because maybe he could have married and had a football career that could have blossomed. I felt sad that he wasn't alive today because I would have liked to have met him for facing up to the racial adversity he fought through all his years growing up and in college. I wanted to meet him because he seemed like a decent person and a person who loved life and people and football. I did feel sad.

Then I thought to myself, "No, he is alive and I have met him." His story was passed on to my heart. I can take him with me. That is when I realized that intertwined with all of the sadness I felt was admiration - beautiful, strong admiration. That is glory. That is a glimpse of the divine.

He wrote a letter to the Saturday Evening Post called "I'm Not Unlucky" which was published in March 1963. He was 23. years old.

Ernie Davis

1939-1963

Empty Hands

I took karate in the 80's back when Ralph Macchio was the "Karate Kid" of 1984 and Bananarama dominated the sound track with "Cruel Summer". Anyway, that's besides the point. This is a serious blog entry, but I couldn't help reminiscing a little.

The style or system of karate I took was called American Kenpo. The originator of this system was a guy named Ed Parker. He rubbed elbows with Bruce Lee and gave karate lessons to famous people such as Elvis Presley.

In 1957, he wrote a creed - his personal thoughts on how his system of karate should operate in the minds of his students. As an adolescent, I was required to memorize the creed and recite it each time I took a test to pass to the next belt level.

Here it is:

"I come to you with only karate, empty hands. I have no weapons, but should I be forced to defend myself, my principles or my honor; should it be a matter of life or death, of right or wrong; then here are my weapons, karate, my empty hands."

This morning as I was walking down Mill Avenue to pick up coffee before work, I thought of the many different difficult situations in my life right now, be they small or large ones. I thought about how I relate to people, how I avoid conflict, how I put things off, or how I hide in various ways or another. Then I thought about ways in which I've grown, ways in which I've spoken when I didn't want to speak, waited when I didn't want to wait, and acted when I didn't want to act.

That is when this creed from my childhood percolated into my mind. "I come to you with empty hands...here are my weapons...my empty hands."

There are about six actions I can really think of that we need to do in relationships: listen, speak, wait, act, feel, and repair. These are our weapons - the weapons of love. These are our weapons - our empty hands.

One of the problems is that when we choose to use the weapons God has given us instead of what we might perceive to be "better weapons", we feel naked. We feel exposed. We feel inadequate. We feel unsafe. We feel "unarmed". We feel like we need a weapon to hold onto, but only our empty hands remain. We only have our "self" - our very self is the weapon of love that God has given us. But, we don't feel like our "self" is enough. So, what do we do? We look for weapons that can make us stronger than those around us. Well, the problem is that we don't have any other weapons than what we've got, so our ongoing attempt has been to exagerate or over express only one or two of the ones we have. Maybe you speak and act, but don't listen or feel or repair, and so forth.

You know these people and you and I are one of them. People who listen and wait over and over again but will never speak or act. It is their weapon. It is how they keep you out. They will hear your heart, but they will never let you see theirs. Others speak and act, but never listen or wait. They bulldoze over anyone who gets in their way. It is also their weapon of choice. They don't ever get known or know others. A third type of person listens and acts, but never speaks. A fourth type of person is always trying to repair situations, ones that don't even need repair, but they fail to ever truly act in a given situation. They're repairing over and over again. They're too busy repairing to let you in. Others refuse to begin the arduous task of tapping into their feelings, which they've shut off for years via addiction and/or the control of others. No one ever gets their heart either. Feelings are too dangerous to let loose - to risk exposure.

You get my point, I hope. We exaggerate one or two weapons all the time, in order to avoid using the ones that risk vulnerability - that risk and expose our hearts.

"I come to you with empty hands..." We speak up when we don't want to speak up. We let our voice be heard. We listen when we don't want to listen. We feel when we don't want to feel. We do these things when they are needed. Using our weapon of choice (in an over exaggerated way) makes us feel powerful and less exposed, but it also keeps us from knowing others and being known, the very thing we want and dread at the same time.

My weapons? Speaking. Listening. Waiting. Acting. Feeling. Repairing. When we do these at the appropriate time, instead of guaging whether or not we will win, then we will suffer wounds and pain. But we will also find our strength. Those around us feel the effects of our vulnerability and they are assaulted by the love of God. They take notice and feel the strength in our courage.

What if God Isn't Evil?

The question we gotta ask in some way and some day is
What if God isn’t evil?
And what if God isn’t evil
Then things that don’t make sense would make sense

Because sometimes it feels like a war
Because most often it is a war
And if you wanna go down the lonely road
Don’t call it a war
But call it something that was taken from you that you deserved

But the truth is that war doesn’t make sense
And truth and pain and senseless and silent murder don’t make sense
But in a war where nothing makes sense
The only thing that makes sense is that we’re in it

Maybe we’re in a war and God isn’t the evil one
Maybe we’re in a war
And we’re wounded and low on supplies and nothing seems to work right

Then it might be that God is on our side
That He’s got us in this war and it doesn’t make sense
And the only thing that makes sense is that God’s got us in this war
And we’re down in the trenches and hurting

He’s on our side but we’re disillusioned
And we don’t have friends all the time
And we have to wait and the winters are cold
But those in just wars know it’s good but don’t know the why of everything

We just have to fight

New Reality Fight Song

I took a trip down memory lane
Went back to before I was sane
The rest of the story is untold
What could’a happened will never be told

If I try to get back the wrongs I did
Try to turn back time - something invalid
A bunch of shame - lies that cost
You can never pay back because it costs

You gotta see what’s down below
A current of power - strong undertoe
The storms and waves - depravity
But deep down inside there is a new me

Put down all fake humility
Your strength and heart - reality
Don’t run from dreams - insanity
Take a torch for all - for all to see

Into the light here we come
We wanna live life - the kingdom come
Rap to a beat but don’t conform
Not the same as a need - a need to perform

Brothers and sisters we got for now
And a spirit we got that goes pow wow
You thought you had no worth for them
But Christ came and said you were - amen

If I could have it any other way
I wouldn’t have it any other way
New chapters are better any way
Forever and ever here to stay

In the end it’s nothing else but play
Go resist evil but only for play
Stay with your heart and your soul
Never hurt yourself but grow whole

Trust Him who calls from above
No anger because His name is love

Take a look at your life
Where you came from
It isn’t what you did
But who you came from

In the Wake of Eleven Baby Strollers

Yesterday, I was part of an experience in which Eleven Baby Strollers created an eye-catching and positively destructive wake*. The men in my Adult Sunday School took their kids to the zoo. A lot of fathers, but also a lot of married men without kids and then me - the older single. We had kids all over the place, 23 of them I think. Mainly we were just trying to keep them from getting lost. One of the guys had triplets and a fourth kid in a quad-stroller. A woman later asked me if his stroller was custom-made. I don't know - but it was a butt load of kids.

One of the things about the zoo is that there's a lot of moms out there with their kids, but not a lot of dads or father figures. I mean, there's men and women partners/married couples, but there's not a lot of fathers or father figures out there with their kids. Needless to say, 20 men wondering around the zoo with 23 kids takes notice.

Two things happened that drew my attention. First, a zoo worker at the Wallaby Kangaroo station kept asking herself out loud if it was Father's Day. She was not kidding. She was seriously confused and thought she'd confused weekends**. Second, another woman came up to us and started asking us questions. "What are all of you men doing here?" This was the moment I realized that we really stuck out. We shared with her that we were from the same church and taking the kids out to the zoo. Then she commented about how we stuck out in a good way and she just had to know what was going on.

I wanna say two things here. First, I am struck by how men acting like men can create such a wake in such a place as the zoo. And, I will even say that there was something happening that was Biblical and that people were drawn to us in a similar way that they were drawn to Jesus back in the day. I mean, we weren't doing miracles and all that stuff, but people were drawn to us and they were drawn to the source of our strong, yet tender manhood. This is what people were drawn to in Jesus. Second, I'd like to say that I don't care if you believe in Jesus or not. Go out and get your friends. Get those who are fathers and your male friends who are married or single and without children. Take them out. Go to the zoo. Take Eleven Baby Stollers. It is a great thing to do for you, your friends, and your/their kids.***

_______________________________
*A "wake" is the waves that are created when a speed boat or ship drive through the water. Everyone to either side of you gets hit by the waves and you take notice of the boat that has just driven by.

**Father's Day is June 19th, but this story occurred on June 11th.

***To Christians - please never use this as some sort of plot to evangelize those who ask you why you are there. This is using your friends and their kids. They will feel used and it would be a wound you gave them.

Dr. Seuss

"Be who you are & say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Desire

In the Christian, there are two people. One is the spirit and one is the flesh. The desires of each are in conflict. Nevertheless, we must be bold in light of the cross and forsake all notions that our behavior means anything for our souls at this point. We must boast in the fact that our spirit is true. We have true desires to do what is good and to reject what is evil. In light of 2 Corinthians 5:17 and 5:21, we have been turned into new creatures and made righteous. We must decide it is more important to know that we have these good desires that come from the Father of Heavenly Lights, apart from the facts of our behavior. Our true desires come from God. Our attempts to control our behavior come from our flesh.

Forsaking all false shame, we must embrace the part of us that will live forever, our spirit. We must reject the voices that come from our flesh, the world, and the accuser himself. Every temptation to do evil is a lie which attempts to tell us that we will die in the flesh. By embracing the truth of our God-given desires, we accept the fact that our God-given desires, no matter how small they might seem, are the working out of our salvation.

We don’t try to do good. We let our desires lead our hearts into ever heightening senses of power from above. This, in fact, is how we work out our salvation. We tell God how good He is by accepting the truth of the desires He’s given us. We don’t reject those desires as false based upon our behavior. We start with our God-given desires and put our behavior on the back-burner. We let our desires lead us. We let God lead us. Our behavior will catch up with our spirit-led desires. These desires are part of how we experience God. It is Him. It is the gospel.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Galatians 3:3 Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?

Ephesians 2:10 and Galatians 3:3 work together. We were created to do good works. If we look at our behavior then we will be led to believe that Ephesians 2:10 couldn’t possibly be true about us. This is false shame, and this is us trying to finish by means of the flesh. That’s the reason for Galatians 3:3. It is a reminder to us that life by means of the Spirit is a life which listens to the truth of our God-given desires. Our desires tell us the truth about who we really are and lead us into that truth. A preoccupation with behavior tells us nothing but lies.

The Destructive Nature of God's Love

The other day, I was driving home from work, listening to a song by Tenth Avenue North. A line in the song says -

"He'll break open the sky to save those who call upon His name"

The adjective that comes to mind when I reflect on these words is destructive. That's why I decided to title this blog entry "The Destructive Nature of God's Love". It just feels destructive to me - in a good way.

These lyrics remind me of Psalms 18 in the Old Testament. The Psalm is a song of David describing how God had saved him from all of his enemies including King Saul.

It says-

God opened the heavens and came down.
Dark clouds were under His feet.
He got on the cherubim and flew.
The wings of the wind lifted Him up.

In these verses, I see God getting active. He takes action. He gets on the cherubim, punches it into gear, and hits the gas.

The Lord thundered from heaven.
The voice of the Most High God was heard.
He shot his arrows and scattered our enemies.
He sent great flashes of lighting and chased the enemies away.

God was loud, fired arrows and lightning, and scattered David's enemies. They couldn't contend with Him. God took care of business.

This is the destructive love of God. This is who is on your side. He will part the sky, jump down on cherubim, and take care of business. That is who He is. That is what He does.

The Car Salvage Industry and Christ

Guest Writer: My Friend Nick V.

As I think about the car salvage industry, in which I work, and the truth that I have been taught, I can't help but think about the similarities I find in the salvage business and the true story of salvation. I'll try to make this entertaining. We are all made in God's Image, and at one point, we were all brand new cars -- original merchandise bearing the glory of God. Then, the fall of man took place, and from that time, all the way up to today, we have been tainted by sin -- in need of lots of cleanup -- like a car that’s been salvaged.

Now is where it gets good though... We know that the parts we don't "salvage" or "SAVE" eventually goes to be "PD'd" or crushed. The Bible says that all have sinned and that the wages of sin is death (Romans 3:23 and 6:23).

You see, when a part is damaged, they have to put bondo in it, it takes lots of repair, but it is never the original merchandise again. Also with us, no matter how much "bondo" or good things we try to do or learn, we can never get back to our original merchandise condition. (If righteousness could be gained by the law, then Christ died in vain. Galatians 2:21).

So, back to the crusher. When the cars go to the crusher, it makes me think of these verses:

"He was crushed for our sins."

"It was the Lord's will to crush him, to make him a guilt offering"(Isaiah 53).

So, in an act of sheer grace and mercy, God sends His only Son, Jesus, and goes to the crusher for us -- to make us original merchandise forever!!

So, next time you think about salvage parts, think about the fact that you were once original merchandise, then needed some cleanup, destined for the crusher, but then salvaged, saved, and turned into original merchandise, forever and ever and ever.

"Therefore, if anyone be in Christ, He is a new creation. The old has gone, behold, all things are new!" - 2 Corinthians 5:17

Separating Ourselves and Others From God

There is an idea that has been revived in my mind over the past couple days. It is an idea that I feel I've largely forgotten about for the past year or so. If you read some of the blogs I was writing back then, you would have noticed it, even though it may have not been explicit.

This is the idea: No matter what it takes, at any and all costs, we must come to believe this - that God is separate from us and others. How He feels about us and how we feel about ourselves and others, or how they feel about us is all separate from God's position on the matter. The question we have to ask ourselves is, "Am I going to believe my behavior or am I going to believe what God says about me? Am I going to believe what I see in the behavior of other people, or am I going to believe what God says about them?"

See, God doesn't think like we do. Someone reminded me this morning* that our relationship with God is a gift and that we have a hard time accepting gifts. We're waiting for the catch or the betrayal and this is based upon a mental framework we've developed over a lifetime that is based on us and other people rather than on God. In the back of our heads we all have this sneaking suspicion that the gift will be taken away at some point or at least that there's some sort of agenda behind the gift that we'll need to measure up to. We're not used to receiving gifts that don't bear betrayal or agendas around the corner. Again, this is where I had forgotten that God's declarations (which will never be recanted) and my beliefs (which are mostly messed up) are two totally different animals.

Here are a few thoughts.

• God loved us so much that He took away our sins and killed the part of us that is prone towards violence towards Him, ourselves, and others (John 3 and elsewhere).
• God says this relationship is a gift and not based upon our attempts at good behavior (Ephesians 2).
• God says He has turned us into new creatures with new hearts - a new nature (2 Corinthians 5).
• He says that we are already clean because of the word He has spoken to us (John 15).
• God says there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8).
• God says He will never betray us, even though everyone and everything in this life might do so (Hebrews 13?).
• God brags about us. He announces our value to the congregation. He sings our praises. (Hebrews 2:13)

The question is: Are we going to believe our behavior or are we going to believe what God says?

____________________________

*John Lynch

Him Thinking of Us Thinking of Him

This morning I was feeling down. I thought of God. Normally, that makes me feel worse. But, then I wrote something down. It was this: "Every time I think of You God, it is really You thinking of me." I mean really, who brought the thought to my mind in the first place? At minimum, who created me to have such heavenly thoughts? It was Him. So, I think this is the truth. Every time I happen to have a thought or feeling in relation to God, I believe it was really Him who was thinking of me. And what does He think of us? In Hebrews 2:12, He declares how He feels about us. “I will declare your name to my brothers and sisters; in the assembly I will sing your praises.”

How do I feel tonight? Well, I feel better. But those down times are always just around the corner. May we always remember how God feels about us at every turn.

Bono on Our Cities - Our Very Lives

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own, no man can take

These are lyrics from U2 - Bono's prayer to honor God by telling Him that our cities do not belong to us. They belong to Him.

Doing Something Big

Read the following two statements:

1. I don't want to waste my life. I want to do something big*.
2. I don't need to do something big in my life, but maybe I can. Yes, I will try to do something big.

Do you see the difference?

Person #1 doesn't yet know their value.
Person #2 already knows their value.

We all bear the image of God. Maybe we can do something big.

_______________________________________
*But, what is something that's big? That'll be in the next entry.

God Talk and the Arts

***If you are not an Evangelical Christian, then this post might not make much sense. Even if you are one, then you still might not identify. However, there are those who totally identify with what I am saying and it is to you (and I) that I write. So, here goes...***

Evangelical Christians pray out loud in groups. It's sort of like you're talking to God, who is invisible, but other people are there. We take turns. Sometimes we read a little bit from the Bible, to give us some food for thought. Then we pray. We talk out loud to God and others "listen in" on our conversation with Him.

Needless to say, this is an awkward experience.

One of the things that has bothered me about praying out loud is that I have a "prayer" type of talk and I have "normal" talk in everyday conversations. In the past, I've always felt strange about this. Why would I have certain phrases, word patterns, and expressions in my "out loud" prayers to God that seem so contorted, so "not normal" talking.

The experience parallels what we call "teacher talk" in the ESL classroom which is more enunciated and formal to accomodate an ESL student, or maybe it might parallel "motherese" in which a mother talks with a higher pitched voice in repetitive patterns to a child. Barack Obama is another example which parallels "prayer talk". He has a different type of "talk" for addressing the nation than he does with his staff or with his wife and children than he does when he speaks. With God, we do the same thing. We have "God talk".

I guess what I'm getting to is that for Evangelical Christians (and other types of Christians who do this whole "praying out loud" thing in groups), some of us feel like we need to appologize for "praying out loud" in a way that is different from our "normal speech". We, or certainly I, have asked the questoin, "Why do I talk to God differently than I talk to these other sorts of people?" Am I trying to look eloquent or something? Am I trying to make sure my "speech" sounds nice and why am I so focused on that anyway? Shouldn't I just pray to Him like I would talk in "normal" speech, instead of treating Him like I'm talking to an audience or uploading a podcast or something? Yes, I understand that motives are part of how we speak and behave towards God and other people, but even though it is related to "God Talk", I believe that a person who theoretically had perfectly pure motives would still talk to God differently while praying out loud.

And here we finally get to my two points about why we don't need to get all uptight about how we pray to God. First, we never have "normal" speech. We talk in different ways to different people. We talk "teacher talk" or "motherese" or "friend to friend" talk or "father to son" talk or "son to father talk" for that matter. There is no type of speech that is independent from our relational dynamics, and there's no reason that we aren't going to have "God talk" either.

Second, I don't think we should preclude prayer from the category of the arts. What I mean by this is that we write music, poetry, stories, and create works of art, all of which we often dedicate as forms of worship to God. Think of a music worship service at church. We sing these completely "abnormal" types of things to God and they are absolutely NOT close to "normal speech" in our daily lives. However, it's not like I look at a Christian Singer-Song writer and say, "Wow. That guy is really weird, putting his prayer to music and then inviting us to sing our words to God." Well, maybe that does seem sort of weird if you think about it. However, we usually think of musical worship as a form of art that we create and present to God as a gift. It's almost as if I were Romeo reading poetry to Juliet. She is up on the second floor balcony and we are down below. The poetry is not normal speech. So, I think it's okay and not phony that the words, patterns, and vocabulary in our out-loud prayers to God are a little weird compared to normal speech. In singing a song or praying to God, we might as well paint a picture of a sunset, present it to Him, and tell Him that we enjoyed His sunset so much that we decided to paint a picture of it. That is a form of art that is worship, be it a song or prayer or a painting.

So, why not put prayer in a similar category as art and music or other forms of creativity? Why are we (primarily Evangelical Christians) so concerned with talking to God in a "normal way" when we pray out loud to Him in groups? Instead, why not treat our prayer "phrases" and "patterns" and "unusual vocabulary" as we might a song or poem or a piece of art that we are presenting to God as a beautiful way of reflecting Him in our creativity? Spontaneous and artistic.
___________________________________
For a related talk on prayer to God, check out another blog entry called Dropping the F-bomb. It is the other side of prayer, beautiful yet rough around the edges.

What if God just liked being sung to?

What if God, like a child, resonated with your voice, singing him to sleep? What if, like a young woman in a second floor window, he waited for a gentleman to sing sonnets from down below, telling of His beauty? What if, like a group of men at sea, He sang and laughed with them, arm-in-arm and drinking ale, as they sang tales about how He fought for them and was their hero in the wars of old?

What if God just liked being sung to? What if he simply liked your voice?

Blog Bandwagon

I hate to get on the blog bandwagon, but there is a blog gaining a lot of popularity that is gaining a lot of popularity because it is worth gaining a lot of popularity. Does that make sense?

Follow the link below if you are interested:

Jaime The Very Worst Missionary

Read her December 22, 2010 entry called "Missionaries Probably Shouldn't be Jealous of Strippers. But Sometimes They Are." It is excellent.

Her husband writes a blog as well:

El Chupacabra Writes a Blog

Sorrow and Human Value (Short Version)

Asking God to help us enter sorrow and move away from resentment, bitterness, and anxiety is one of the ways in which we come to terms with the fact that God finds us and those around us valuable. When we do this, joy is possible.

Sorrow and Human Value

In Ephesians 3:20, God tells us that he is able to do more than we ask for.

In philosophy, a common question that is asked is, "Can we talk about things that are outside of our experiences?" In some ways, we can't. We always extrapolate our understandings of reality and place them on God or any kind of extra-reality we can conjure up in our minds. God is often a superhuman rather than holy, meaning apart, separate, or sacred*. (In this sense, God is the ultimate paradox because he is completely "other than us" and yet in Jesus he is "none other than us".)

Ephesians 3:20 is one of these places where God reminds us that he is holy. He is not like a human being. He is able to do more than we ask for. Think of this in two ways. First, he has the ability to do more than we ask for. We might ask for a house and he gives us a mansion. Second, and I believe more importantly, God is able to know what we haven't asked for and didn't even know what to ask for in the first place. So, not only is he able to give us a mansion when we asked for a house, but he is able to give us a winter coat ahead of time when we didn't even know it would snow. We didn't even know to ask the question. This is what I mean by Ephesians 3:20 demonstrating God's holiness.

The real difficulty is what to do with sorrow. We ask for comfort, ease, or at least not to be hurt too much. God is able to do more than we ask for. He leads us into sorrow. This is sometimes what we needed, but didn't know to ask.

I don't know what to do with this. I wish I had the answers. The closest answer I have is that when I let my heart go to sorrow, as opposed to thoughts of murder and revenge, I sense joy around the corner. Some of my most joyous occasions have followed periods of sorrow, so long as I'm willing to enter the sorrow instead of fighting with God over the injustice. For some reason, the problem of evil doesn't seem to have a grip on my heart during those occasions.

Jesus demonstrates this in John 16 when he tells his disciples that he will leave them and that they will be filled with sorrow, but that he will return and they will be filled with joy. This was a concrete instance where God allowed people to experience sorrow, knowing that they would be filled with joy later.

In our lives, we place our hope in the fact that we will meet God in our sorrow and us meeting Him there in that sorrow is often what we didn't know to ask for (Eph 3:20). When we meet Him there, joy is possible. If we opt for resentment, bitterness, and anxiety then we are unwilling to meet Him in sorrow and joy is not possible. Being made in the image of God, your heart is worth sorrow. Resentment, bitterness, and anxiety dishonor you by placing little value on your heart and dignity. Asking God to help us enter sorrow is one of the ways in which we come to terms with the fact that God finds us valuable and that we can do so too.

______________________________________

*Blue Letter Bible. "Dictionary and Word Search for qodesh (Strong's 6944)". Blue Letter Bible. 1996-2011. 2 Jan 2011.

Bestowing Value

When someone else suffers for us, it demonstrates our value.

It might be something as significant as serving a loved one during their ten year bout with Alzheimer's until their death. It might be epic such as those who gave their own time and even died to save Jews during Hitler's tyranny or African Americans in the underground railroad. It might be more common like a mother and father who suffer sleep deprivation during a colicky infant's first few months of life.

When someone else suffers for us, it demonstrates our value.

No, let's take it further. Let's look at Ephesians 3:13. In his letter to the Ephesians*, Paul says, "I ask you, therefore, do not be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory." Paul uses the word "glory" which is the same Greek word that is used to talk about Christ's coming (Matt 24:30, Mark 8:38, Mark 13: 26) and a number of other places in the New Testament to talk about the glory of God. It's the same word. It is a general word that means opinion or judgement, or view, but it is always used in a positive way in the New Testament**.

When someone else suffers for us, it demonstrates our glory. It demonstrates our dignity. It demonstrates our God given image.

So often, when someone suffers for us, we feel embarrassed to receive that type of praise from another person. We lower our eyes. We say, "I'm sorry you had to do that for me." This is why Paul had to say such a thing to the Ephesians. Paul had a difficult life because of his ministry. Accusations, shipwrecks, near death experiences, and finally house arrest. He suffered for people like the Ephesians. They knew it.

Paul told them, "Don't be discouraged that I suffer for you. It reveals your glory." His suffering revealed their dignity and God-given image. Paul knew they'd shy away from receiving such praise. He wanted to tell them that it's okay to receive sacrificial service from another person, including him, because by accepting such service they acknowledge the dignity and value God has placed in them as his creatures. And, in reality, that means they are accepting a gift from God. Receiving gifts from God unreservedly is one of our greatest forms of worship.

In our own lives, we are tempted to downplay the sufferings of others on our behalf. Do not reject such suffering, we are told. We are valuable and worth receiving such glory. This isn't because you've done something to earn such glory. It is simply because God has decided you are so valuable and worth everything to Him. Do not be discouraged that He suffered an eternity in hell on your behalf, shrunk up in a little ball of bitterness and putrid thoughts of contempt towards everyone and everything. Your value is demonstrated through his sacrifice.

He is all the more glorious for pouring His value into us through suffering.

___________________________

*The Ephesians were a group of people from one of the earliest churches in Ephesus, which is located in modern day Turkey.

**Blue Letter Bible. "Dictionary and Word Search for doxa (Strong's 1391)". Blue Letter Bible. 1996-2010. 30 Dec 2010.

Above and Beyond All Pain, Shame, Comfort, and Happiness

I don't want to get away from anger, shame, jealousy, resentment, and fear if it takes me away from God. I don't want to enter happiness, joy, relaxation, and comfort unless I find Him there.

So many of us (including me) hold happiness, joy, relaxation, and comfort to be the highest commodities. We just want someone or something to take away the pain. The reality is that sadness is the emotion we often are running from most. But even sadness isn't the highest commodity, even if it is the truer emotion we suppress with resentment and bitterness.

The bigger question I want to know above and beyond all pain, shame, comfort, and happiness is this: Are you there God? I want to know if God is there in the middle of it. That is all I want to know. If God is there, then I can fight in the trenches of World War I, endure a spouse who leaves me, fail on my end in a relationship, or survive an insult that threatens my masculinity or my femininity. These things will break me - yes they will break us - we can't get away from that fact - they will break us, but what I really want to know is if God is there in the middle of it. Does God care? Does God have tears when I am breaking apart? Does God smile when I hit a home run?

If God fights alongside me, if he cries and laughs with me, then this is all I want to know. This is all that matters. Everything else comes second.

Rage and Worship

When I rage against God in my journal and ask all of the horrible and awful questions about the deep pain and agony in my life and the world, I find myself close to God. I look down at the ink on the paper and I realize that those words are to God, and that is where the worship lies. No matter what I write, good or evil, those words are to Him. This is the basis of all psalms, whether personal or inspired. We write to God. It is worship.