You've Been Remade

You are more than the choices that you've made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create. You've been remade. -Lyrics from the new album by Tenth Ave North

I Feel this Need for You

I long to feel You. I feel this need for You. I need to hear You. Is that so wrong? -Lyrics, Tenth Ave North

What's Been Done For You

‘Cause this is not about what you've done, but what's been done for you. -Lyrics, Tenth Ave North

Within Me

Within me You placed Your spirit. Within me You placed a new heart. I will worship You, Lord, because of who You are. -Lyrics, The Late Jason Mitchener

Writing for My Students

Sometimes I dream of writing a major book like "The Shack" or "Wild at Heart" or even a novel. But, the other day I realized that this is ridiculous compared to what I have right now, which is my students. I wrote a three part story for them about a couple of international-student-superheroes in an action-comedy-romance with target vocabulary words from our lessons. After reading the final part to them, they applauded.

They're pretty cool.

What my students don't know is why it's so amazing when they applaud my work. The reason it is so amazing is because in my mind I'm applauding at the same time. It is a moment of worship for me. We're all applauding the One who gave me the hands, the mind, the creativity, and the teachers* that were needed to write such fun stuff. I've applauded God along with others during church worship, but the applause I experienced that day was so much more meaningful. Much less abstract. We applauded God for what He has made me into.
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*My teachers: First, my dad is my original writing teacher. He writes. I grew up listening to him about techniques for writing. Second, I studied a book my dad recommended to me called "A Story is a Promise" by Bill Johnson. My understanding of the difference between story and plot comes from that book. Third, my readings of adolescent novels such as The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordian have helped me to 'see' what Bill Johnson is talking about in "A Story is a Promise". Finally, God is my ultimate writing instructor. Look at Genesis. If a story is a promise, then the fall is the ultimate promise being made by a writer. At the moment Adam and Eve eat the fruit and run away from God, our first thought is, "What is God going to do about this? How is this problem going to be resolved?" God has made us an implicit promise that he will bring a resolution to the conflict in the story. I'll write about the story telling element of the Bible in another blog entry.

Freedom and Belief

We're not free because we believe it. We're already free. We get to experience that freedom when we believe it. -Original Phoenix Suns Gorilla

ecnatnepeR

Repentance isn't asserting that I'm going to do something about my sin, it's admitting I can't do anything about my sin. This is a biblical definition of repentance.

There is another nuance that I've missed for years. Repentance isn't just admitting that I can't do anything about my sin, it's about admitting that I can't do anything about anyone else's sin either (Lynch, Thrall, McNichol)

Whoa. That's not cool. That's not fair. That's not right. But, guess what, it is so freeing.

See, I've spent most of my life rehearsing mental arguments during moments lacking work, in which I convince others why they're wrong, how they've hurt me, and how they need to be fixed. I've also spent most of my life trying to manipulate others into doing what I wanted them to do for me or hiding from them, so that their sin won't hurt me any more. Do you see the lack of repentance here? What's happening is I'm trying to do something about someone else's sin. The Bible, however, is clear: There's nothing I can do about anyone's sin.

Now, don't get me wrong. I fight for justice. I set up healthy boundaries and tell people what I won't let them do to me, within what ability I have. However, there is an underlying premise I must accept. Even when I set up healthy boundaries or fight for justice, John or Mary will still sin against me, and I must admit and accept that there is nothing I can do about their sin.

In my mind this does two things: First, it is a recognition that only God can handle their sin, primarily through His heart for them and behind-the-scenes stuff He's doing, which we are oblivious to most often. Only He can redeem their sin, I can't redeem it for Him. Second, I can stop working. I'm not responsible for their sin. This takes the pressure off. God is very interested in giving us this gift. The gift of peace.

Repentance isn't just about our sin, it is about admitting we can't do anything about the next person's sin either.

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These are my re-hashed thoughts of what I've primarily learned from Lynch, Thrall, and McNicoll, intertwined with my own reality. I try never write about stuff I haven't experienced. I try never to contemplate or conjecture what *might* be true. These thoughts are based primarily on what I've experienced.

Cheering us on. Singing over us.

So often, we think God could care less about us. I don't believe that. My personal opinion is that he loves us and fights for us without reservation. Here is an ancient writing I read last night. "God is near you. He is a victorious warrior. He takes joy in you. He quiets you with His love. He takes joy in you with singing." - The Prophet Zephaniah in the Old Testament (Zep 3:17 SDT). This is what I believe.

My friend and I talked a little bit last night about how it's like God is our parent at a little league baseball game. Cheering. A little out of control. Other parents might even be a little embarrassed at how God would act in cheering us on. God isn't embarrassed. He let's it loose. We're running out there and he's so proud of us. He's singing songs about us.

A Proud Heart and a Humble Heart

A proud or boastful heart is concerned about being exposed for being right* or being wrong, being moral or immoral, doing something correctly or incorrectly, succeeding or failing. The key idea here is fearing exposure. They fear being exposed for anything, no matter what it may be.

A humble heart, on the other hand, claims rightness or wrongness, morality or immorality, correctness or incorrectness, success or failure; whatever the case may be. The humble heart sometimes might hide for a while. This is true. It might take a while - maybe a few minutes, a few hours, a few days or weeks; but, the humble heart is bound to come around. It is the new person that has been awakened.

A humble heart also knows that it can't survive on its own. The humble person needs a safety net. A God who isn't ashamed of him or her. A group of trusted others who aren't either. The humble person bravely risks exposure surrounded by such a safety net.

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*A proud heart even downplays when they are moral, right or successful. Still hiding. This is all a proud heart knows to do. Put on the mask. Must protect ourselves from any accusation. Ironically, the proud heart is concerned about being called prideful or boastful. They say things like, "Oh, it was nothing" to the gratitude of another**, instead of simply saying, "You're welcome. It was my pleasure." This second answer is the heart of a humble person. They claim their service. It is who God made them to be. They risk the accusations.

**I know this person very well, because this used to be me.

Emotional Intimacy

When I feel lonely, long for emotional connection with another, or often just feel like I'm missing something, I realize that what I truly long for is a deep and emotional intimacy with God. In this life, even the best marriages, closest war-buddies, or closest spiritual partners lack an emotional intimacy that is constant. In heaven, that emotional intimacy with God will never be severed. Whether married or unmarried, spiritual partner or not, we all have to wait for that deep, never-ending, intimate connection. Once we get there, it starts and goes on forever. In the meantime, we get little glimpses, maybe big glimpses. Marriage, war buddies, and spiritual partners comprise some of those glimpses. But, heaven is the real-deal. It isn't that far off. We get to go pretty soon. That's very cool.

The Absence of Faith and Faith

I remember about two or three years ago that there was a period of about a month where I said, "God, I don't think I believe in you any more." For various reasons during that time, I wondered whether or not my whole belief system was what I really believed or not. Did I really believe in Christ? Did I really believe I was a Christian if it was all true in the first place?

Funny thing is, I talked to God a lot during this process. I kept telling Him, "God, I'm going to have to just live like I'm not a Christian any longer. Go back to believing that when I die, I'll just be put into the ground and slowly decompose. Go back to my naturalistic or agnostic roots. I just don't know who I am or what I believe any longer."

My prayer life during this time actually increased. I'm not sure what happened, but at a certain point, something kicked in. I realized that the love and certainty of God was so much stronger than I had ever come to imagine previously. I wrote a blog called "The Certainty of God".

Here it is:

10 May 2008

The reason we can be totally honest with God is because He doesn't change. He always loves and always welcomes us. The big problem isn’t His uncertainty. It’s our mistaken belief that He isn't certain or that we can't depend on Him. There is something that feels like a paradox here. The best way to begin learning about His certainty is to admit to Him that we don't feel He is certain, safe, or maybe even good! The recovering alcoholics got it right when they proposed to other alcoholics that they turn their will and their lives over the care of God as they understood Him. It isn't that God is relative or uncertain--the problem is that our view of Him is relative or uncertain. God’s so loving, so caring, so certain, and so safe, that we can go to Him and start off by telling Him we don't believe any of it in the first place. The certainty of God is that He’ll start with you, wherever you’re starting at.

Anger and Faith

Sometimes, my deepest moments of faith have come while yelling at God. Getting angry with Him. I don't know how to describe this. It isn't resentment. It isn't bitterness. It isn't pointing the finger at Him. It borderlines sadness. Like I'm missing something. Like I'm missing Him. Somehow, in these emotional moments, I feel like I trust Him more than I ever have before.

Sanctification by Faith

In sanctification by faith, a new question begins to develop as we face the rebellion of our hearts. The question is, "Am I going to let someone love me? Am I going to let them meet a need that I cannot meet on my own?" Further, the person who asks this question goes deeper and says, "I need you to help me with this rebellion, but even more, my heart desires you in the middle of the process, not just you meeting my need." It is a very vulnerable and intimate experience.

This question regards both God and those trusted others we allow into the deepest parts of our lives. Choosing safe people we can trust becomes paramount, second only to our trust in God.

The Temptation to Remask

The mask always wants to go back on. If everyone could just know I have it all together. Then, everything would be okay.

My View on Protection

I believe God is always protecting us. I don't always believe this is true, but as I write this statement, I do believe it is true and I hope it remains my belief forever.

I can think of so many events, seasons, and decades of my life where it seemed like God was letting me down, but in the end, He was protecting me and others from greater harms that I had no idea were around the corner. Even more, he had greater forms of happiness that He was bringing me and others into that were also just around the corner.

Believing in God's protection changes everything.

The Gift of Sanctification

A lust* free life is a gift, not a burden. A resentment free life is a gift, not a burden. A life free of trying to subtly manipulate and control others is a gift, not a burden. A straightforward and honest life is a gift, not a burden. A life with healthy boundaries is a gift, not a burden. A life in which we engage reality instead of escape, is a gift, not a burden. And a life of service and contribution is a gift, not a burden.

As believers, many of us don't believe these things. We think, "I know this is true on paper, but God why hasn't it happened for me? It seems like these things are stressful, overwhelming, and incapable of ever coming true."

One part of the answer is: We have to believe these things are gifts before they start to happen. Then, in due time, they will start to happen. We will feel protected and loved, because that is exactly what is happening.

If these things don't feel like gifts to you right now, the best thing you can do is go to God and say, "God, these things don't feel like gifts at all to me. I don't believe it." With that type of honesty, He can start working with you. The reason I believe this is true is because God isn't a belief system. He's real. You can't go and ask your belief system for help or change your belief system to help you. But, you can go to God and He will help you.

The end goal is that God wants to bring you into closer relationships with others and experience the closeness that He already feels with you.

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*Not just sexual lust, but lust in all its forms. Anything that is obsessive and takes us away from reality. Obsessive behavior most often results in dysfunctional relationships. This is the very thing God is trying to protect us from.

Philippians 3:12

Wait...what just happened?! ~Phil 3:12 NVT

Bono on Christ

I have a brother, when I'm a brother in need. I spend my whole time running. He spends his running after me. When I feel myself going down, I just call and he comes around. But for the first time I feel love.

Lyrics - Bono, The First Time, U2.

Getting the Secular into Christianity

I had a conversation this morning with a friend that re-awakened me to a way of thinking that I haven't felt in quite a while.

It runs like this: As I grew up in a secular household, and as an agnostic, I believed that when I die that I would cease to exist. No more consciousness. Stick my body in the ground. Done.

One of the good things in that mindset, I believe, is the belief that we have to do what we can with what we've got now. We've gotta make the best of it. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. We're never gonna get to have this again, ran the thought process.

When I became a believer in Christ, my whole mindset changed. Sure, sometimes I have a default belief that I will just be buried into the ground and cease to exist; but, that belief has become weaker over time. My belief in the afterlife has grown in strength and death is less feared than before.

One of the things I think I've experienced as a believer is this mindset that says that this world is bad and heaven will be good. I often think, "I'll be glad to get outta here. I'll never miss this sin infested world."

But, there's something I've gotta remember from my secular, agnostic heritage. I'm never gonna have this again. When I die and heaven becomes a present reality, I'll never get to have what I have now. Most certainly, I will be so glad to be where I was made to be, and I'll never want to go back, but there's something I have to believe. I have to believe that I still have to do the best with what I've got now. I've got to really cherish this life because I won't ever have it again. There is some sort of reason why we're here right now. There is some sort of value of being in this sin infested world. There's something important about it and there's something important about taking value in it.

As Christians, we've got to learn from the agnostics and athiests, or get back to those roots of ours, so to speak. We've got to treat this world like it's all we've got, sort of. We've got to remember that once we leave, we'll never get it back. We've got to do the best with what we can right now and cherish each moment as though it is exactly what God wants for us, even though heaven will be 10,000 times better. We've got to savor every moment, trusting that in heaven we will look back on it and say, "Wow. I'm so glad I did that earthly existence, afterall. Thanks God."

How God Deals with Our Consequences

I often wish I didn't have to deal with the consequences for my sin in the here-and-now. But, I don't believe this is the Gospel. The Gospel is a God who says, "I'm gonna stay here and walk with you through the consequences. I'm not going anywhere." That's a father who loves me.

Childhood

Playing is a way to solve problems and to express feelings. In fact, play is the real work of childhood. – Mister Rogers

Getting back to our childhood may be the real work of adults. - Steven D

niotcafsitaS

I've often heard people say, "Only God can satisfy. All other things you try to do in order to satisfy you pale in comparison to Him. You must place Him in the center of all things. All other things are idols."

Although this is 100% true in my opinion, most people go about it the wrong way. They do all sorts of religious ceremonies, devotional readings, spiritual fervor prayer sessions, and spiritual-formulaic contortions. "Gotta get my heart right, stir up these feelings, and have nothing else before Him so I can be satisfied." That's how it goes in many legalistic-evangelical circles.

The best thing you can do so that God starts to satisfy you above all other things; however, is to start by realizing the Gospel, which is that He's already satisfied with you. This changes everything.

Trying to Please in All the Wrong Places

I find myself amazed that I continue to go to people in my mind or in real life who will never be pleased with me hoping that I can somehow be enough for them or win them over to my point of view, when in reality I can simply go to the One who is pleased with me already.

I speak to my own personal experience, but I believe this to be true for most people to a greater or lesser degree. I base this on numbers and numbers of times listening to others say the same sort of thing as I just did. Many of us spend our entire lives trying to get certain people to "get it". If they would just understand, if they would just be pleased with us, then the world would be a better place. It is mind-boggling that our thoughts can take us back five, ten, or even fifteen years within the course of one daydream and we find ourselves having a mental conversation (or mulling over what could have or should have happened) once again as if this feeble mental attempt might make things right, that somehow they might call us out of the blue and say, "I am so sorry. Now, I understand. You were right."

A healthy boundary says, "No, I will not do that any longer." I will not spend hours, days, weeks, years, or decades trying to please people who will never be pleased enough. I will go to people who have no agenda for me except to welcome me, nor who subtly try to get me to do what they want me to do. Above all, at any moment, I will go to the One who IS always pleased with me with no strings attached. This is His ultimate protection. He has transformed us into new people who never need to try to please Him again. In some weird, backwards sort of way we are to obey by trusting that He is pleased already because of who He's turned us into--beautiful creatures. This belief in Him is His greatest pleasure, and at moments we may find ourselves in quiet moments of peace.

Heaven (Part Five)

I wanna try to help connect you to the feelings of what it will be like when we get to heaven.

Here's an example:

Do you remember the airline pilot named Chesley Sullenberger who landed U.S. Airways flight 1549 into the Hudson River back in January 09? A flock of Canadian geese flew into the jet engines and cut all power to the aircraft. Sullenberger glided the plane gradually into the Hudson River and saved the lives of 155 people.

Imagine getting together in the July 09 reunion with the other survivors. Pilot Sullenberger walks into the ballroom hosting the event. Once people notice he's walking into the room an applause builds quickly. The applause doesn't stop after some sort of polite formality. The applause, smiles, and teary eyes (I'm sure) goes on for a while. More than a polite thank you. Next, people start going up to him and thanking him individually. One guy's wearing a T-shirt with Sullenberg's name on it. Smiles. Emotions. Tears, I'm sure. It's wonderful, emotional, and some sort of a sense of closure or at least connection with the other survivors.

In heaven, there will be a moment when Jesus walks into the ballroom. We'll know in that instant what He's done for us. Applause will build up rapidly. Smiles. Tears. Shouts. The applause will get louder. The crowd will be endless and the power of our applause will be like thunder or ten thousand horses running over the hills of Ireland. We will start to get a little out of hand. People raising each other up onto the top of the crowd. Groups in the hundreds of thousands jumping up and down like a group of football players preparing to enter a stadium. All kinds of cultures and their various styles of celebratory cries and hollers. You'd think the applause would start to die down at some point, but it gains momentum. It gains even more power, waves of cheers going to and fro. Time appears to be so unimportant in this new land and most of us lose track of it. A year seems like a thousand. Who knows how long until the applause dies down. We're exhausted. We're exhilarated. And, I'm not sure how it works, but somehow in the middle of the electricity, power, cheer, and applause...

We find ourselves in a personal moment with Jesus. We get to talk with the one who saved our life. The volume level of the millennial party is still ear piercing, but for some reason, it all fades away into the background and all is still. A quiet conversation with Him. We get to say everything.

Easter Sundays at My Church

My church saves baptisms for Easter Sundays. A marathon of baptisms in three services. I go to the 8am service because it's the only one I can get into without feeling like I've gone to a soccer match and fought other spectators to get in. Seriously, I think I saw a couple black eyes. We get charged up. The energy is tangible. A lot of messed up people entering a room of grace = tears and laughter.