In this life, we avoid a lot of battles because we spend a lot of time trying to calculate wether or not we will win them. C.S. Lewis paints this picture very well in his children’s book called Prince Caspian. The boy-king Peter has challenged an enemy adult-king, named Miraz, in hand-to-hand combat. Just before entering the sword-fighting area, Peter’s brother Edmund has a short conversation with him.
“I say,” said Edmund as they walked, “I suppose it is all right. I mean, I suppose you can beat him?”
“That’s what I’m fighting to find out,” said Peter.
If Peter had tried to calculate whether or not he could win before fighting the adult-king Miraz, then he never would have entered the fight in the first place. C.S. Lewis is trying to point out that most often the only way we will know if we can win a battle is if we fight them to find out.
In my life, I’ve spent a lot of time fighting over who is right and who is wrong. I’ve fought for what I thought was justice, when in fact it has often been a fight to display my correctness and their wrongness.
Today, I still fall into this pattern; however, I know it isn’t what Lewis is really talking about here. Yes, we fight against injustices, true injustices to be sure, but these aren’t the greatest sorts of battles. The greatest sorts of battles are honesty, authenticity, vulnerability, repentance, knowing and being known by using our voice or by truly listening, setting or expanding boundaries where needed, communicating with loved ones and others in a direct manner, forgiveness, loving the unloveable, and entering into the unknowns of relationships both current ones and opportunities for new ones.
Our greatest fear in fighting these sorts of battles is the uncertainty of the future. What will happen? Will we be harmed? Will we lose what we have? Will we be overtaken? Will we be mocked or disrespected? Will we fail others or will they fail us?
The only way we can know if we can win these battles is to walk into them. It is completely counter-intuitive. To be vulnerable, repentant, or forgiving (among the others listed above) are some of scariest battles we can ever embark upon.
Nevertheless, I think I find out more and more that as I enter these battles, the fact that I have entered them is where I have already won. Had Peter entered this sword-fight with the adult-king and lost, he still would have won in a certain sort of way by virtue of the fact that he entered the fight in the first place.
2 comments:
Post 2:
Of recent I was able turn to my wife, after meeting with God about some extreme hiddenness in my life. After I met with God, I had a literal, practical, tangible feeling of peace to hold onto before, during, and after I exposed myself to my wife. Up until this time, I could never have that peace or enter into godly sorrow for my behavior, because I was always looking for the heart of God in the response of my wife. That will never work, because my sin always has inevitable consequences that hurt hurt her. And when I fail to hear God's heart for me in my brokenness, I inevitably continue in the same behavior, because I continue to carry the shame of my sin when I don't let him carry it for me. When I carry shame, my self-contempt/other-centered contempt runs rampant.
I am realizing today that there is a immense need to assess whether I have met with God before sharing vulnerable things with anyone. If I don't, then I'll just fall into the same old patterns of saying...."Yeah, I'll take a #3, supersized, thinking it's going to meet my need. In all reality, it's killing me from the inside out (literally & figuratively). If I feel any sense of angst or lack of peace when I go into vulnerable mode, then it's not time to open up yet. The mere feeling of not being okay before opening up, is a powerful reflection for me to remember, that I haven't given up my shame yet to God!
So with all that mumbo jumbo......I come to your battle cry. The cry to enter the battle, not to know whether I will win or lose, but to be reminded that I don't have to win, because He already won the War. I believe that all the battles you mentioned in your blog are the most terrifying battles man enters, when entered without meeting the Lover of our Soul first, in order to be reminded we're not fighting alone and that He is our full source of Identity and strength. Dan Allender, author of the book, "Wounded Heart," states, "Repentance is like eating GREAT SPAGHETTI! If you are struggling to repent...well then, you must just suck at repentance." His point, I think, is that repentance is a beautiful gift from God that doesn't feel so hard when we allow him to remind us who we are and how much he adores us right where we're at. Our ability to heal from our brokenness doesn't define our worth, but rather allows us to experience the abundant life, and can only be truly experienced as we whole-heartedly trust in his love and desire for us. If we are doing it horizontally to receive our identity from others, it will only be short-lived, if anything. I love Brennan Mannings, final book, his memoire, titled, "ALL IS GRACE." Are we willing to risk and trust that God intended for us to come to Him as our Commander & Chief, before each and every one of those battles. To the degree we allow Him into the midst of them, will be the degree of peace and strength we feel as we engage what appears to be a death sentence apart from Him.
"The greatest sorts of battles are honesty, authenticity, vulnerability, repentance, knowing and being known by using our voice or by truly listening, setting or expanding boundaries where needed, communicating with loved ones and others in a direct manner, forgiveness, loving the unloveable, and entering into the unknowns of relationships both current ones and opportunities for new ones."
Post 1:
I love your heart brother! I've been thinking a lot lately about an analogy known as "Nourishment." I have been thinking about the dinner table set-up and what we have on each plate. Oh....by the way there are no appetizers, because it would throw a wrench in my analogy. :)
I've been picturing the difference between the main course or dish, the side dishes and dessert. We spent most, if not all, of our time seeking relationships, which knew virtually nothing about the presence of God in or around us. As we experienced those relationships we placed them on different dishes. The food on those dishes represents our relationships. I was trying to get fed or learn about my identity from all of these people who didn't know who their identity was either, so it was like I brought home (for the healthy eaters, not knock'n the people who eat fast-food) McDonalds; void of any needed substance. Then I met Christ and He sat in the Pepper Shaker, because I didn't even know his worth as the "Salt of the Earth." I proceeded to look for my identity in the main and other dishes that primarily consisted of all of my horizontal relationships, and their opinions of me, as well as their responses to my vulnerability. I think that's where I became a little delusional. I was bringing home McDonalds food but thought I was eating one of Sharon's Kale Smoothies. :)
Soon to find out I would continue to struggle living out of my shame via massive amounts self-contempt and other-centered contempt. The response of man, apart from the primary trust in Christ and what He has to say about my identity and how much He adores me, continued enabling me to keep Christ in the Pepper Shaker. From time to time, relationships I had would switch plates depending on which one was the most fulfilling and diverted my shame the most.
In reference to the battle you speak of....if I try to liken it to my analogy, my battle has been trying to invite God into the main dish! If I try to take my battles to any of the other side dishes, I will never be "nourished" or "filled." After spending 32+ years of my life trying to take the battle of authenticity, vulnerability, repentance, being known, etc..., my heart has never had the ability to allow God out of the Pepper Shaker.
Not until recent, was I able to invite Christ to the main dish and start seeking his heart for me. As He has allowed my heart to engage him, He is showing me oh-how-important it is to keep him on the main dish. If i don't allow myself to be filled with Him, I will, by default, return back to seeking my approval and value from all of my earthly relationships. So, as my heart aches to be known and loved for who I am and not how well I perform, I'm realizing I get every single micro/macronutrient I need from Him. As I allow Him to nourish me, I realize that I don't have to overeat, or overwhelm all of my other relationships as I seek my identity. I've found that when I eat unhealthily, food never satisfies. But when I seek the right nutrition or love from Christ first, my desire to comfort-eat diminishes.
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