Christmas

Jesus sits in heaven, next to his Father, the hour before he must suspend his ability to remember he is God...before he places himself into the earthly protection of a human whose race he must ultimately rescue. The hero of the universe setting off on a journey to save a planet. Never has love been so reckless, to prove itself so intimate, so real, so tender, so beyond the power of fear, sin and death. ~John Lynch (2009)

The Verb "To Feel" - Two Definitions

The verb “to feel” means two different things: (1) the sensation created by physically “touching” something. (2) the internal sensation created by “relating” to something. Us to people. Us to the world. Us to hormones. Us to circumstances and life events. Interesting the same verb is used both to describe the physical and relational aspects of our experiences.

Metaphorically, to feel an emotion means to “touch” those things and people we "relate to", similar to a child touching the cool grass, the heat of fire, or the soft coat of a Golden Retriever. “To feel” means to use our relational tentacles. We can’t experience the sensation of our relationships without them.

In the church, I've often heard people say that they shouldn't have certain types of emotions like anger or jealousy. They really get down on themselves for having such emotions. I myself have been one of them. However, this is ridculous. This sort of person might as well tell me they should deny food which tastes bad because he or she doesn't want to offend the chef. The reality is that the food tastes good or bad. Period. If emotions are truly how we "feel" relationships and "feel" the circumstances of life, then a person who says they should not have certain emotions is saying that they only want to be connected to certain aspects of people and certain aspects of life. To me, this sounds like someone who wants to disconnect from life because it is too painful. The reality is that we need to set our emotions free from constraint, but act upon those emotions in healthy and appropriate ways.

Funeral Service for Jason Mitchener

His songs were sung. His writings were read. His pictures were on display. His pastor preached. His brother spoke well. His step-father concluded the service. We all stood and clapped in honor of a life well-lived.

Special moments for me: Talked with Janet, an aid of his for more than a decade, maybe closer to two. Recognized the intimacy in her relationship to him. A connection to his long-term care-takers. Met Kristann, a friend of Jason's from age 12. He walked up to her on crutches when she was new to the neighborhood and introduced himself. A connection to his past. Watched a tear-wrenching slide show. Pictures showed him walking as a child. A connection to his freedom.

A Personal Eulogy to Jason Mitchener

My friend, Jason Mitchener, died last night at 10:55pm on December 16, 2009. He was 39 years old. I had the privilege of knowing him for the past 9 years.

I met Jason in church, back in 2001, at Crossroads Christian Fellowship. Our paths crossed reasonably often in the midst of church activities, but I’d say I never really got to know him in the way I’ve known him since three years ago, beginning in 2006.

In that year, something happened in our friendship that was different than before. We decided to read a book together so that when we we’d hang out weekly (or every-other week-or-two) we’d have something to talk about. Those book discussions were a turning point in our friendship. I think we read “Killing the Giants” by Max Lucado first. It was rather simple—read a chapter or two, then meet and discuss the reading. It didn’t seem like a huge progress in our friendship each time we met for our book discussions, but I could tell that over-time there was a difference in our friendship that hadn’t been there before. One huge difference, I believe, is that we stopped trying analyze life so much and began listening to each other. I think this listening to each other and being attentive to each other’s personhood is what did the trick. Once we started listening to each other’s hearts, I believe this was each other’s way of telling the other that he was good enough. As men, we often fear not being good enough in this life, not measuring up. When we find another man or men in whom we know that we are good enough, then trust begins to develop. Jason was one of those people for me, and I think I to him. Jason was one of my very good friends. He was part of an important group of men in my life who I trust with who I really am.

Jason Mitchener also accomplished many things in his life that were quite amazing. He wrote a book. He wrote lyrics for a CD and lyrics for another band. He put together lots of neat pieces of digital art on his computer that many of us now own. He moderated portions of the “Third Day Message Board” and ministered to those in their discussion groups. He gathered 24,000+ followers on Twitter. He wrote devotionals that have impacted people via email and blog entries now for almost two decades. He did all of this in the midst of living with a rare, neuromuscular disease which prevented him from moving his arms and legs, or even breathing on his own. He needed a ventilator for his every breath. In fact, Jason accomplished all of these things with a computer and a stick in his mouth to type with. These accomplishments, however, were only symptoms of Jason’s personhood.

Yes, Jason’s accomplishments are numerous and quite remarkable. But, there is something deeper about Jason that was far more important than these things—it was Jason himself. Jason was a stubborn, funny, selfish, self-less, intelligent, witty, humorous, tired, sometimes half-hearted, often determined, energetic, man full of hope and despair, all wrapped up into one human being who accomplished many things. The many things he accomplished came from a normal human being with joys and sorrow who had the God of the universe living inside of him.

Jason was the first to admit that in the midst of writing his devotionals, positive messages through Twitter, and so forth, that he was a normal guy who sometimes had a hard time getting motivated to wake up for the day. At other times, he was full of dreams, vision, and energy that was amazing to watch. He and I both agreed that with the development of Twitter as a new technology, that he had found his niche and was coming into a new season in his ability to express himself creatively to the world.

The fact that he was a normal human being in an extraordinary situation was part of his heroicism. I think what I was most attracted to in my friend was his willingness to risk his exposure as being seen for who he really was. He and I took a chance, took off our masks, and dared to share our hurts, failures, dreams, successes, accomplishments, sin, and fears with each other. We practiced listening to each other. We were learning to trust each other. That’s the Jason Mitchener I knew and loved. Yes, I am thankful for Jason’s accomplishments, but only because they brought him to the world.

I end with a portion from one of Jason’s devotionals called Not Long for This Earth.

“Embrace what God has given you here [in this life]. Look with a child’s eyes of wonder at the clear blue sky and the hiss of green. Breath deep the fragrance of a rose or a baby’s hair. Listen to the music of a bird’s morning song or the rustling of leaves in the wind. Feel the warmth of the afternoon sun or the coolness of an evening breeze. Taste the sweetness of a succulent orange or the sourness of a lemon. Love those around you with a fervency that cannot be quenched.”

“While enjoying your journey here, remind yourself that something greater lies ahead. The joys of this earth pale in comparison to the glories of heaven. In heaven, it will be as if our eyes are finally opened and our ears can finally hear. Our weak, frail bodies will be replaced with bodies that will never perish. We will be in the sweet presence of a loving God. No pain or sorrow will ever tear our hearts.”

“Live life to the full because we are not long for this earth. An eternity awaits us in heaven.”

Jason Mitchener. You stubborn, funny, lovable friend! Holy smokes, you're there. I will miss you and grieve my loss, but I will not feel sorry for you. I'm glad we had our time together. Thanks for being a part of my life.

The Will of God

Oswald Chambers rightly states (in my opinion) that "the Christian doesn't ask what God's will is. He or she is the will of God." With this total freedom, I believe the identity-centered Christian will generally move along what most call "the will of God" anyway.

Counter-Intuitive God

In my opinion, the highest form of obedience is to believe that God has forgiven you and turned you into something amazing. All other forms of obedience fail in comparison.

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John 3:16, 17 -- 2 Cor 5:17, 21

Outside Sources Believing in Me (short version)

When someone believes in me, I begin to develop this audacious belief that maybe there is something inside me worth believing in.

Repentence and the Kingdom of Heaven -- Translated

Recognize the impossibility of trying to figure out how to fix the harm you've done (and will do) to others, as well as your resistance towards God. I'm a safe place of forgiveness and protection you can reside in where healing and restoration take place (Jesus in Matthew 4:17 SDT*).
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*SDT = Steven D. Translation

Acting Out of Our Authority

The crowds were amazed because He didn't teach about following rules, rather He modeled to them a sense of confidence in living out of a God-given identity (Jesus in Matthew 7:29 SDT*).
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*SDT = Steven D. Translation

I Have Come for the Unmasked

I have not come to heal those wearing masks, rather those who take a chance that I'm safe enough to go unmasked (Jesus in Matthew 9:13 SDT*).
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*SDT = Steven D. Translation

Dropping the F-bomb

I'm sitting here at Lux Coffee House and a nice, attractive woman working behind the bar drops the F-bomb. Why do I smile? I feel a little embarrassed or awkward. Isn't that interesting? Someone else drops the F-bomb and I smile. Just feels out of place.

Why?

I think it's because I grew up in environments where young women weren't supposed to do that sort of thing. Then, I got to college and women in my dorm were dropping the F-bomb like it was going out of style, especially those from Jersey and New York. During that time, I was also in a religious student organization where women didn't drop the F-bomb. Half F-bomb, half no-F-bomb.

I have a confession to make. I drop the F-bomb. Yes. I know. You thought it wasn't true. And, for those of you who've never heard me drop the F-bomb before, it's because it's a special word I use, and only use in one relationship. Yep. You got it. I only use the F-bomb in prayer.

The F-bomb is great for voicing my feelings and simply means "I'm really, really frustrated right now." These are sacred words I only use in prayer. I know it sounds crazy, but this is just the way it is. For me, there is no judgement in prayer. I can say anything.

My friend behind the bar wasn't dropping the F-bomb out of frustration. She was just being herself. I find myself smiling with a little sense of embarrassment because I've been entrenched in such conservative circles for so long. I'm not planning on dropping the F-bomb in public any time soon. I guess I don't really feel the need to, just like someone who drops the F-bomb more than drinking water probably doesn't feel the need to stop doing so. Why would they change? Why would I change. No need to do so really.

The major question is: What's the state of your heart behind dropping the F-bomb or holding back from dropping the F-bomb? The more important questions behind dropping or refraining from dropping the F-bomb might be as follows:

Do you still think life would be better if "he" would figure things out or "she" would stop acting that way? Do you still think things would be better if people just listened to you? Do you find yourself in mental arguments more often than not while doing tedious tasks or during free time? Is there lots of fear and anxiety and you aren't getting the help you need to deal with it?

Or, do you find yourself content? Do you understand which things in life are your responsibility and which things aren't your responsibility? Do you find moments or even longer periods of time where you'd say, "I feel at peace right now."? Do you find those times of peace even in the middle of difficult circumstances? You feel anger, sadness, and sometimes fear, but peace is in the middle of lots of those emotions.

These are the more important questions behind the F-bomb.

Finally, one more thing. If you have this nagging sensation that your heart is sitting on the negative side of things, there is no way you can get it over to the positive side*. And, if you have this sense that your heart is sitting on the positive side of things, there is no way you can keep it over on that positive side by yourself. Those on the negative side can only get to the positive side with the help of a healthy set of "others" in their life. Those on the positive side, if they really think about it, they'll realize that it was never them in the first place. They will realize that it was a positive, healthy set of "others" in their lives that gave them the freedom to live in a positive mindset in the first place.

So, whether you're on the negative or positive side of dropping the F-bomb, you'll ways need others in your life who can help draw you into the positive. You, in turn, will help them do the same thing, F-bomb or no-F-bomb. Making ourselves better isn't our responsibility, or even realistic. Finding a healthy set of "others" where we can rest and get better is our responsibility.

The real question is: Do you have a healthy set of "others" in your life?

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*An idea I borrow from Travis Stewart backed by my experience and my observations of those around me.

Believing in Our Personhood

The person who believes in us always guides us towards our God-given adulthood, our personhood, our identity. They don't try to make our decisions for us. They don't try to analyze us. This is a healthy form of interdependency albeit counter-intuitive, where we become the directors of our own lives by giving trusted others access into ours. Those we give access to are so pivotal to our emotional and spiritual health. Give access to one who tries to analyze your decisions for you and you'll never mature.

Sometimes they pursue us. Sometimes we have to find them. Do you have one? One who affirms your personhood?

Outside Sources Believing in Me

When someone believes in me, I begin to develop this audacious belief that maybe there's something inside me worth believing in. Learning this new paradigm takes an action from the outside acting upon me. It is the voice of God, often through another person. Apart from God and others, I cannot become truly confident on my own will. Interdependancy is the way God designed us. He bestows confidence upon us. We aren't able to somehow generate it of our own accord. Thus, it turns into a gift instead of a self-generated commodity. So much more enjoyable.

In thinking further about this, it occurred to me that there are so many of those around us who need us to believe in them too. Thus, when I believe in someone, they have the opportunity to develop this audacious belief that maybe there's something inside them worth believing in. In fact, 1 Peter 4:11 says that when we speak to each other that we should speak to others as though our words are the very words of God to them. Wow! Our words are so powerful because they carry the weight of God. In this way, it is really God who believes in them through us.

I think the trick here is to embrace both. We can't go around demanding that others believe in us and not eventually risk returning the favor to those who need affirmation. Nor can we go around believing in others all the time and fail to let trusted others know that we need them to believe in us as well. The first requires selflessness and risk. The second requires vulnerability. Selflessness, risk, and vulnerability require courage. It is scary.

Treating Ourselves Well

Treating ourselves well is one of the most outwardly focused activities we can embark upon.

God has Bragging Rights on You

God has bragging rights on you. It's like He's got you in a room with a whole bunch of His favorite people and says, "Guys, this is who I was talking about!" Then He stands you up in front of everyone else and says, "Do you remember all the stories I was sharing last week about one of my favorites? This is who I was talking about!"

Then he tells them your name. You've never heard someone say your name in such a way before. Romantic. You almost feel like He's whispering your name to you alone, yet the whole room is present.

Then He goes further. He begins to tell your story. The story is about you and Him. It's all about courage and strength and tenderness and repentance in the midst of an evil and broken world that you had even participated in. You still can't believe He's telling these stories of honor about you and yet it seems so right, as though it were always meant to be. His voice is safe, fearless, and trustworthy. Somehow, God's telling of the story turns it into something you had never known before.

This is what God has to say about the matter:

"¹¹Both the one who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus* is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. ¹²He says,

"I will declare your name to my brothers and sisters;
in the presence of the congregation I will sing your praises." ¹³And again,
"I will put my trust in him." And again he says,
"Here am I, and the children God has given me."

~Hebrews 2:11-13

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*According to Christian theology, Jesus is God. Therefore, these words that are spoken by him are spoken by God. They are interchangeable.

Trip to Mexican Restaurant = Breaking the Bonds of Slavery

When your every breath comes from a machine called a ventilator, life is rather restricting. Couple that with arms and legs which have no movement, and life is downright constricting. Triple that with a three-year broken van which is supposed to transport you, wheelchair, and ventilator to socialize and make speaking engagements: well, life can feel like being in the bonds of slavery.

Then, start typing with a stick (in your mouth) on your computer and do the following: Write a book. Write lyrics and compose an album on CD. Create digital art. Write the beginnings of a screenplay. Manage several websites and a blog. Finally, do the research necessary to gather over twenty thousand followers on Twitter and compete with "New Kids on the Block" for the Ashton Kutcher Award. As a matter of fact, continually turn out for some of the highest and most influential ratings on Twitter with the likes of MC Hammer and Levar Burton, not because you are famous but because you do the research and send out Tweets with positive and thought provoking quotes that are used to inspire the masses.

Still, your van isn't working. So, after putting together enough money from vested individuals, you get your van fixed and put together a small team of transporters to take you to the different events that need attending. First, a trip to the MVD. Second, a trip to Via Delosantos. Yes, Via Delosantos. Via Delosantos is your favorite Mexican Restaurant with Pico de Gallo that is out of this world. Via Delosantos beats out speaking engagements or going to church.

When it's been three years, sometimes a trip to a Mexican Restaurant = Breaking the Bonds of Slavery.

My friend writes at:
http://www.restalongtheway.com
http://www.jasonmitchener.com

The Primary Solution

A friend reminded me the other day that the solution to most of our problems is being in a relationship of trust. I believe the most trusting relationship I have available is with the creator of the universe. He tells me who I really am. He tells me He is not ashamed of me.

Let's get a little personal here. Do I still sin? Yes. Does my behavior sometimes border something so destructive that I could ruin my life and the lives of others if I gave myself permission to do so? Yes. This is all true. You and I are always capable of ruining our lives at any moment,* and I speak from experience.

The most important relationship in my life, however, begins with the One who tells me He is not ashamed of me. He says, "Spend time with me. I know all the stuff. It doesn't frighten me. I also know what's been done to you and what you've done to yourself. I know that you feel embarrassed and exposed. You feel embarrassed because you think you should have been able to stop others from hurting you and those around you. You also feel like you should have been able to stop yourself from hurting your own self and and those around you. For years you even ignored Me, analyzed Me, sometimes told Me off, and even tried to philosophically draw a picture of Me which was a little foolish albeit understandable. But, here's something I want to tell you. I'm not embarrassed of you. I'm not ashamed of you. I don't feel insecure when I tell the angels that I associate Myself with you and that you are my favorite person to spend time with. In fact, I sing your praises (Heb 2:10-13)**. There is nothing that can separate you from my love because I have already decided that I love you."

So there we go. That is the kind of relationship that can solve our problems. Funny thing is, once we get into this kind of a relationship, we begin to realize that solving our problems was never really the core or foundation of what God was going for, even though our safe and loving relationship with Him begins to result in many of our problems being resolved. At the core, He wants to spend time with us in the midst of our trust that He loves us, fought for us, died for us, heals us, and says, "I like this person. I'm taking him or her for eternity." It was never based on our behavior.*** The moment I realize that He loves me in this way is the moment that eternal life really starts to kick in. I mean, it really starts to get good at this point. The relationship itself takes on a new life. Until that moment, life is hell. Like I say, I speak from experience.

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*Yet, even the total destruction of our lives is always redeemable. That is how good it is.

**Check out Hebrews 2:10-13. The picture that the author is painting is as if God (in the person of Jesus) is in the middle of a crowd with a whole bunch of us. It's like he stands me up a little higher than all the others in the crowd and says, "Guys, this is who I was talking about!" He starts telling stories about us. It's glorious. He's showing us off. No wait. He's showing Himself off too. It always points back to Him. He's the one who created us. Actually, I'm not exactly sure how this works, but holy smokes. This is good stuff. A little fun and mysterious, eh? Just don't neglect the fact that He says He shouts our praises. Maybe just need to leave it there. He says we are holy. The Holy One hangs out with the ones He's made holy.

***Even our trust itself is never performance-based. It is always grace-based since our trust level goes up and down so often.

Laughter and Being Known

One characteristic of a healthy group of people who work together or support one another in various situations is the degree to which laughter is present. This laughter is present in the midst of being known for our failures, our fears, our dreams, and our accomplishments. Laughter is no longer a mask, rather a symptom of being known, loved, and protected.

Double Wow.

The value of spiritually and psychologically healthy friends in my life when I'm freaking out on the inside = Wow. Their value in having me when they’re freaking out on the inside = Double Wow. We’re healthy because we bring our freak-out-times into the light, not because we ‘figured out’ how to keep our act together.

Our positive behavior is merely a symptom of living in the light with a few trusted others and a willingness to entertain new ways of thinking and living. These trusted others don’t think we’re weird or too tainted for approval. Their approval is based on who God declares us to be.

Our desire is never to minimize sin, but also to never treat one another as sinners. A person who understands Grace + Truth understands they = a Saint. Beginning with the transformation of their identity, the transformation of behavior can take place at its own pace. It can never happen the other way around.* The transformation starts from our core, the truth of our inner being.

Our value then, is placed on our identity, not our behavior. We are like currency that never looses its value, even during times of recession or depression. The percentage rate of our ‘Identity-based’ investment is astronomical. Our trusted others must remind us of this when we’re freaking out. They tell us we’re healthy because we’ve made an investment in trusting God and a few trusted others with who we really are. They tell us the truth, that God lives inside of us.

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*(i.e. better behavior first, never equals saint second)

The Glory of God - sdrawkcaB

I'm aware of various people who are in the business of trying to "glorify God". They never seem to be satisfied, from my observations. I know others who believe God loves them but aren't preoccupied with trying to "glorify Him". Yet, I have to say that in observing this second group of people, I find myself thinking, "Isn't this glorious? Isn't God glorious?"

The Resources of God (a lot of them at least)

All the resources at my church (i.e. people) are like God's arms holding me. Not a single one has tried to solve my problems, but in resourcing themselves to me, they are part of the solution to my problems, in-and-of-themselves, and I to them. With God inside us, a bunch of individually weak people protecting one another turns into divine strength.

Heaven (Part Three)

Nora Jones. Sunrise is the song. Her voice draws me in. Intoxicating.

I was listening to her today and felt deep sadness. It wasn’t the sort of sadness I wanted to evade. The feeling resembled missing a dear friend or loved one who’s moved away. Difficult and beautiful at the same time. Along these lines.

As I pondered the intoxication of her voice, I realized it wasn’t her or her voice that was drawing me in, especially since it was moving me so emotionally. I realized I was being drawn into the seductiveness of God. The One who created that rich voice is the One who created her. I can almost say I felt like I was listening to the voice of God Himself, and yet the One who created her has a voice that far outweighs hers.

These feelings of sadness or missing a departed friend are synonymous to joy when I think of why and who I’m missing. I’m missing God. His voice is seductive.

Beautiful landscapes. Brilliant sunsets. Leaves changing color. The voice of Nora Jones. When I die, I get to hear the intoxicating voice of the One who created Nora Jones.

This is heaven.

Polyurethane and Psychologically Unhealthy Environments

The other week, I learned how to polyurethane a wooden floor. Took a paint roller with a long handle and rolled the viscous, translucent stuff all over a cafeteria. About half way through, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted a break. He’d take over. I consented and walked outside to get some fresh air.

The thing about polyurethane is that fumes are powerful. I didn’t know that. During the time I was rolling the stuff onto the floor, I was slowly acclimating to the potent fumes and didn’t know that they posed a threat to me if inhaled for too long. Sort of like sniffing paint or glue. Over time, it kills brain cells.

Getting back to the story, after about five minutes of fresh air, I decided to go back into the cafeteria to see how the rest of the polyurethane application was coming along. Walking into the door, I was hit by a wave of fumes that knocked me over. I couldn’t go in. I had to back up. The fumes were way too intense. How was I in there so long? Basically, I had acclimated to the environment just like the story goes that a frog acclimates to slowly boiling in water over time. In the end, it can kill.

Psychologically unhealthy environments present a similar situation. In workplaces, families, churches, clubs, organizations, and other institutions, we can spend months, years, or even decades living in these sub-cultures because we acclimated to these unhealthy environments over time.

The problem with operating within psychologically unhealthy environments is that we often don't know we're in them in the first place, nor the gravity of the situation. Do you think you might be in a psychologically unhealthy environment, but you aren't sure how serious it is or what to do about it? I highly recommend the books Safe People and Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend as resources to help you determine if there is a situation that needs addressing in one way or another.

Polyurethane. It overtook me in less than 60 minutes of work. I didn't know there was a problem. It took a friend of mine asking me if I wanted to take a break and step outside. Psychologically unhealthy environments are very similar. They can overtake us without our knowledge. I hope my book recommendations might help you in "taking a step outside" to see if there might be a problem or not.

2011 addendum: By the way, the best way to know if one of these books are for you is if you have a general sense of angst, loneliness, resentments, or anxiety that have lasted for long periods of time. That probably means that you have been residing in a psychologically unhealthy envronment for a long time without knowing it. You'll need to find some safe people who can help you set up some boundaries in order to dwell in a more psychologically healthy environment. These books can at least help you begin this process.

Forgiveness

I’m cautious in writing on the subject of forgiveness. In fact, I’m not going to write much for now. Somewhat unfamiliar territory for me.

However, I ran into a quote which reads, “Forgiveness protects us from the insidious harm that comes from sin done against us.*”

Read the quote again. No seriously. Read it again. Look at the key word. The key word is protects us. Forgiving others protects us.

I used to think that if I didn’t forgive others like God forgave me, then He’d be looking down on me and saying, “Bad human.” This couldn't be further from the truth. He’s already stripped all sin from me and made me perfectly perfect (2 Cor 5:17). All He does is talk about me and the rest of His children with the angels. How could He call me “bad human” when He’s transformed me into a good human? This is illogical.

So, there must be another reason** to forgive others. I think this quote hit it right on the head. God wants to protect us. It’s like He’s working all the angles to get our attention. “Steven, when you forgive so-in-so, you will experience a release from resentment and bitterness that I so long for you! You will experience feelings of peace and tranquility more and more over time. It won't be perfect peace for you, because you'll fall back into the old thought patterns of resentment and bitterness from time to time, but overall it's gonna be awesome!” Wow!

God desires to protect you and I from harm. Forgiving others is part of that process. It’s like a shield or buffer that protects us from resentment and bitterness among other things. It is God’s heart for us.

This is about all I know for now.

Matthew 23:37
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*Leadership Catalyst
** Maybe not the only reason, but a darn good one to start with, at least.

On Being Included

I was an average athelete in grade school. Kickball. Flag Football. Field Hockey. Softball. Basketball. I rarely got picked last for anything, but every once in a while it was close. I might be next-to-last.

Then there were those times when a special type of older classmate would come along. Let's say I'm in the fourth grade and a sixth grader is one of the team captains for basketball. He might say on the second or third pick, "I'll take Steven. He's good. He'll guard so-in-so." He was one of these older kids that somehow knew how to affirm me as a younger guy without even knowing it. Made me feel good about myself. I wanted to say, "Are you sure? Are you talking about me?" Those comments never came out of my mouth because I felt too good about getting picked in a higher order and even better about my team captain having some good words to say about the matter.

Jesus is like one of these older kids on the field that somehow knew how to make the younger guys feel included. Back in the day, Jesus walked up to some pretty uneducated, unrespected men like Peter, John, and Matthew. He said, "I'll take you. You're just right for my team. You'll play this position. You'll do great. You're just the sort of teammate I'm looking for." They might've looked over their shoulders at first to see if He was talking to someone else. Is He talking to me? They might have thought to themselves.

We all want to be included. Jesus is the Great Includer. He's got a jersey for you. It's for His team.

Ephesians 1:13

Heaven (Part 2)

Jesus fought and died for us. He is a valiant warrior. This is one reason I gotta go see Him when I die. I painted a picture of this in my previous entry called “Heaven”.

There’s another reason I gotta see Jesus when I die. He tends my wounds. This is the tender side to the fighter in Him. Here are my wounds: I’ve been hurt. Hurt others. Hurt myself. Failed to love. To forgive. To give. To find “my place in this world”. My previous dreams turned out to be a smokescreen for emptiness and self-rejection. Can you identify? I think most can, at least to one degree or another.

Then, I began to let Jesus tend my wounds, primarily through leaving the legalism of my own heart and finding a group of people who act as a “Room of Grace” where I am accepted and where my wounds are tended. Sometimes it has been a painstaking process because all along the way I have so many questions like, “Why would God care about me?” Or, “I guess He’s probably putting up with me, since He has to.” How could anyone trust a God like that one? Getting to the point where I finally realized that God flat-out desires to rescue and heal me took a couple years. This past year has been the best year of my life.

When I go to heaven, I gotta see the One who is tending my wounds right now. I gotta see the Great Physician, the wound-care specialist. He puts His arm around me. He tells me everything is okay, that there isn’t anything wrong with me even when things are falling apart. He doesn’t care how I perform or hold up against those who hurt me. He’s more concerned with me than my performance.

He isn’t just a fighter or a valiant warrior. He also cries with me. Spends time with me. Laughs with me. Tends to my wounds. I get to spend the rest of forever with this Gentle Shepherd. This Great Physician.

This is Heaven.

The Faces of God

God holds me, protects me, affirms me, loves me, teaches me, trains me, fights for me, and shows Himself to me through His children around me. I call these spiritual brothers and sisters the Faces of God. In turn, I am a Face of God to them.

We are interdependent and it is literally divine.
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*To clarify, I am not talking pantheism here. God lives inside me, but I am not God.

Heaven

I don’t know much about Heaven. I haven’t been there yet. What I do know about is the person I gotta see when I get there.

Picture this. Suppose you’re a young teenage girl who’s been sold into human trafficking in Thailand. You’ve been in there so long that you’re disillusioned and suicidal. So much has been done to you, and in turn, you’ve done many hurtful things to the girls around you, as well.

Several years after you were sold into the sex trade, a married couple you’ve never met (activists of a sort) manage to secure your release at the expense of their money, time, and even safety while they are in Thailand to make the transaction. For reasons unknown to you, they must leave and you're never able to see them. You only know they’re from Australia.

You’re sent back to your home country and a non-profit organization helps you get back on your feet and enter the job market. Fifteen years have passed and despite all of the deep wounds, you’ve managed to come to some peace in your heart and even forgive those who originally sold you into slavery in the first place.

A phone call comes to you one evening. It’s someone from the non-profit organization who helped get you on your feet years ago. Apparently, there’s been communication between them and the married couple who originally secured your release. If a visa can be arranged for you to fly to Australia, then they want to bring you to their home so they can meet you in person now that they know your location and how you’ve been doing.

I don’t know about you, but if I was this person I couldn’t wait to meet that married couple. I’d have so many questions about why they thought to do that for me. More importantly, I’d want to hug them, kiss them, and laugh with them. I probably be restless until I could get on the plane and go visit. All I know is that I’d want to BE WITH THEM. And, I don’t think the trip could ever be long enough to satisfy my desire to BE WITH THEM.

In a similar way, this is what I think of heaven. When I die, I want to be united with the one who secured my release from sin and death through his death and resurrection at the cross. I want to be united with the one who has an immensely powerful, yet tender heart for me and those around me. I have so many questions about why He would do such a thing in the first place. More importantly, I want to BE WITH HIM, and no amount of time will ever be long enough to satisfy my desire to BE WITH HIM. Thank God that there will always be enough time, and it will be forever.

God secured my release from sin and death. He has a powerful and tender heart that was willing to suffer and die in order to obtain my release. I get to be with Him. This is heaven.

Worship Through Writing

It used to bother me that music has never been a very natural way for me to connect with God. This is "worship" isn't it? I watch others having these fantastic "worship" experiences through music at church and I can feel like there is something wrong with me. I don't know how many times I've had speakers inadvertently "shame" me because God "commands us to worship" and it is "through music and singing".

Wow. Talk about legalism. I can't blame them when they say it, because it has been passed down through the generations, but it harms us nevertheless: this legalism I'm referring to. Unwritten rules we are supposedly supposed to follow in order to be in God's good graces, as if we needed to "earn grace".*

Here is how I personally worship God most often. (1) I talk to Him while I'm driving and reflecting on Him. (2) I write these blog entries. (3) I live in the light of vulnerability with trusted others according to 1 John.

When an idea about spirituality comes to mind (most often as I'm driving and reflecting) I realize I have a blog entry that is ready to type. The spiritual idea or practical advice is coming from deep within my heart and I realize my desire to write it down on paper is this powerful form of worship. I want to get His love out onto paper!

Some people sing. Some people write music. Some people pray in a quiet room. Some people preach. I write Crossing Border Stories. Read them if you want. I almost don't care. I'm worshiping God.
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*Lyrics from Tenth Avenue North

Already Counting for Something

Sometimes I think about things and wonder "if my life is going to count for something" when all is said and done. Then I remember that the God of the Universe fought and died for me and I realize that "my life does count for something". Case closed.

Worship and Affirmation

When I'm genuinely affirmed by someone, I feel all warm inside. I think this is partly due to the fact that the person is affirming me as a creature of God, which really means they're affirming God too. I believe my experience of their warm affirmation is also my experience of them worshiping God through me.

Conversely, when I affirm someone, I feel so good about doing so. I think I feel this way because I'm affirming someone that God has created. Therefore, I'm essentially telling God how awesome He is. This is worship, not of the person, rather worshiping God through that other person. They reap the benefits.

Truly, as Jesus has stated, "Whatever you did for the least of these brothers, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40)

Tears in the "Room of Grace"

People get teary-eyed in my church reasonably often. A "Room of Grace" we call it. I remember last Easter we baptized a couple dozen people and I found myself very emotional, listening to their stories, and trying to cover my teary-eyes. Then I realized the guy next to me was doing the same thing. No need to hide them at that point. So thankful to be in a place like this.

On another occasion, I found myself a little emotional during the service. I had a tear in my eye. My first instinct is to feel funny about that, especially as a man. In this situation, I happened to look across the aisle and saw a 65 year-old man wiping away his tears. So thankful to be in a place like this.

2011 addendum: I continue to long for these moments of vulnerability when I and others in our congregation meet God in a tangibly emotional way. I don't get teary eyed as much in services these days, but my relationships are much more emotionally connected. I still find myself teary eyed in a number of other venues when I feel the power of God in relationship - especially when I relate to others and it is surrounded with joy and power or even sadness and loss. The tears tell me that God and others are real. Peace flows in and around those emotions.

Heavenly Status Updates and Tweets

Facebook and Twitter have obviously become somewhat idolatrous. What I mean is that they’ve replaced not only God as our source of affirmation, but even other real human beings as a source of affirmation. There is a caution we must all face here. Yet, as a friend of mine said the other week, we shouldn’t throw out the baby with the bath-water.

What to do?

First, we must recognize that a collective group of cyberspace friends is no substitute for God. It is no substitute for real human beings, on that matter. What I mean is that I can post a million status updates, receive a million comments of affirmation, but just like salt-water, I’ll remain thirsty, no matter how much I drink or how many updates I post.

Second, we must recognize that the need to be affirmed is a deep need* of ours that God has created in the first place. Not only that, but He provides lots of ways (yes, even Facebook and Twitter) in order to get that affirmation. However, there is a twist here which is small, but very important.

When I post a status update on Facebook, it usually comes from deep, down and inside somewhere in my heart. It might just be what I did that day, but it is important. It might be funny or profound, serious or mundane. In the end, however, it represents me and “me” needs to be affirmed.

The affirmation, however, can’t come from the Facebook collective or the Twitter collective. It must come from God, since as stated earlier, the collective is just like salt-water which never satisfies. Therefore, when I post status updates on Facebook, I try to keep one thing in mind: I’m posting the update primarily for God and all the angels--maybe even the part of humanity who is already in heaven. You see, they’re the ones who are most interested in my life in the first place. God is my advocate. His angels are also my advocates. Those who have already died and gone to heaven are without sin and therefore would have the self-less desire to read my status updates in the first place.

God and the heavenly hosts are the ones who are most interested in our status updates, even more than our friends on Facebook. Figuratively, they might be re-tweeting our messages to each other or having water cooler conversations about us. Jesus might have you and I on some 4D video screen with the remote control and gathering angels around to replay portions of our lives for them. “Check out so-in-so, Gabriel. Isn’t that awesome, what just happened?! He's learning more and more that I fought and died for him!” Or, maybe it's more on the funny side, Jesus says, "Holy smokes guys. I can't believe he just ran into that glass-door without seeing it. Let's rewind that part!" Maybe a couple hundred angels are rolling. He’s showing us off. In reality, He’s actually showing Himself off, since He created us in the first place.

God is the one who is most interested in our status updates. He’s writing comments all over your Facebook profile in heaven. Angels and others are writing comments too as they see our stories and how God has orchestrated all of our stories into this Grand Story which goes on for eternity.

So go ahead. Write your Facebook status updates, but don’t wait for comments from your friends, even though they're important. Know that God and the angels are all over your status updates and tweets. They already think you’re awesome. That’s why they’re looking at them in the first place.

By the way, short prayers throughout the day are the equivalent of heavenly status updates without the need to get to a computer or an iPhone. God and the angels pass along those invisible status updates and tweets even though nothing has been typed. It’s all water-cooler conversation about you and others up in heaven.**

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*I speculate that part of why we need affirmation so desperately is because when we are affirmed by another person, that person is actually worshipping God in one way or another. They’re affirming not only the person, but the one who created that person. Therefore, the person receiving the affirmation actually gets to be part of the experience of someone else’s worship through them. This is a seriously awesome transaction.
**Of course, all of the specifics is pure speculation on my part, but I hope you'll get the jist that it is God who is most interested in our status updates and tweets.

What do you want me to do for you?

A blind beggar approaches Jesus as he walks with a group of people. Those leading the way tell the beggar to be quiet. Jesus does the opposite. He says, “Bring him to me. I want to talk to him.” Then Jesus says to the beggar, “What do you want me to do for you?”

This question is so simple, yet so profound. So often we ask God, “What do you want me to do for you, God?” We have it backwards. It is God who asks us this question.

As this sinks into our hearts and we begin to relax in the comfort of God's protection, we sometimes might begin to ask God and others the very same question, but the reason for doing so will feel different.
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Luke 18

Do Not Conform to the Patterns of this World

The pattern of this world is the pressure to perform to prove our worth and an effort to marginalize those who don’t. The pattern of this world is to tear down instead of build up. We throw sticks and stones at each other, mainly because we’ve had them thrown at us. In the New Testament, God tells us to stop conforming to these patterns (Romans 12). Stop tearing down. Start building up. But what are we supposed to do with these cyclical patterns of performance and retaliatory based living? Primarily, we must first understand that God does not base His opinion of us on our performance or on who is right and who is wrong. We’re all guilty of throwing sticks and stones and might as well get over this fact that we fall in the same category. I must simply trust that God took it upon Himself to remove these defects from me through his own sacrifice and put all of His righteousness into me.

Once I get past the self-rejection and realize that He has made me perfectly lovable despite my performance in the here-and-now, then I no longer conform to the world simply by believing who He says I am. This is where the transformation begins and ends. I no longer conform to the pattern of this world when I make this change in belief. It is the core, the deep change, the repentance. I know this might sound counter-intuitive because we are all stricken with this false-idea that we stop conforming to the world through our behavior. However, that is opposite of the Gospel. The Gospel is that when I trust God for who He really is and who He says I am, then I no longer conform to the patterns of this world through having this belief.

Regarding our behavior, let's look at what Jesus has to say. This belief in Him as our Rescuer, Jesus tells us, is like a small mustard seed that will eventually become a great tree in the garden, providing shade for all around it. Eventually, from the beginning of this belief, I begin to realize that I feel much more relaxed. Those around me take notice and see that I no longer conform to the patterns of performance and retaliation. In hindsight, I find that my behavior conforms less and less with the world and more and more with my true identity as a child of God. How it happened exactly, I’m somewhat uncertain of in terms of the process, but one thing I do know is that it started from a correct belief in the fact that God has already reconciled my performance and my desire for retaliation in this world. Any other belief system eventually leads to self-rejection at one point or another which keeps us in a cycle of trying to prove our worth through performance or through proving ourselves right and others wrong.

2011 addendum: In addition to what I stated above, I believe that a person who believes God has already forgiven him or her is now in the process of doing good in the midst of sin, as opposed to trying to get rid of sin. We will sin. It happens regularly. What we must not do is heap mounds of self-contempt upon us. God's desire for us is to do good, to do relationship, and to believe it is okay to go out on a limb and do amazing things to bless other people even though we might fear that we won't live up to it the next day. This is sanctification by grace.

The Reason Behind Crossing Border Stories (Short Version)

There is a new picture* at the top of my blog Crossing Border Stories. A group of valiant geese cross the road, risking their very lives for who knows what reason. Oh, so many parables to be told about these lovable, courageous, dumb-witted geese!

Crossing Border Stories birthed when someone asked me to write down my thoughts on overseas cultures and ethnic groups.

Instead, I started writing these short, spiritual essays. I write them primarily because I love to write them. Second, I write them as an act of service to friends and acquaintances which is very cool.

I kept the name Crossing Border Stories to indicate the spiritual borders we all must cross in life if we wish to go through the spiritual healing process.

Aren't these geese cool looking? Strutting their stuff and all that.
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*Winnipeg Free Press. I hope "free" means I can use it.

The Reason Behind Crossing Border Stories

There is a new picture at the top of this blog called Crossing Border Stories. A group of geese valiantly cross the road, risking their very lives for who knows what reason. Oh, so many parables to be told about these lovable, courageous, dumb-witted geese!

Crossing Border Stories birthed when someone asked me to write down my thoughts on traveling overseas and the people I had encountered. Frankly, I didn't have much to write for some reason.

Shortly after creating the blog's name, God set me free from many of the legalistic attitudes* of my heart and I began writing the short, spiritual essays that you see here today. I had never believed I had permission from anyone to do so. I thought those things were reserved for pastors, theologians, or any one of the elevated "spiritual sages" I had esteemed.

Then, something happened. First, I began to see these ideas and experiences swirling around in my head and life as being something I could give to others as some sort of act of service. Wow. Me. I might be able to give something to someone. But, there was a problem. I still didn't think I had permission so for some reason. I still wasn't a pastor, theologian, or spiritual sage. It was preventing me from this act of service. Imagine! The rule I had in my head was preventing me from this act of service. This is the very thing that Jesus Himself dealt with every day of His life. The religious leaders kept saying He wasn't following the rules, so He couldn't be from God, or He would follow the rules. Some people said things like, "Isn't he just a carpenter?" What right does a carpenter or an ESL teacher (like me) have to say about the Kingdom of God? Do you see? These were all the thoughts working against me. Funny thing is these were all thoughts. All the religious hypocrites were simply thoughts in my own head.

Then, something happened. I crossed a border. An invisible border, to be sure, but a border nevertheless. I woke up one morning and the following popped into my head, "I want to make my own decisions instead of the right decisions." Crazy, huh? But, this was a defining moment in my past year or two of spiritual healing.

So, what did I do? I started writing. I started writing these spiritual essays, and I waited to see if lighting would strike. I hadn't asked permission. No seminary, no pastor, no spiritual sage gave me permission. I had crossed a border inside my soul called legalism*.

There is a web of accountability associated with my writings that I want you to know about, however, because I also want you to know that any time we venture out to publicly announce any learnings we have in our spiritual adventures, we must have a network of trusted others who keep us grounded.

First, I generally wait for the Holy Spirit to prompt me in my writing. I try never to write unless I feel like an idea has come to me that is grounded in my experience. If I write about things I've never experienced then I write about things I know nothing about. A clear example of that right now is the issue of forgiving others. I feel like I have a very small glimpse into this spiritual category. I don't have much to write about on it currently, but wait expectantly for the time that I can write about it.

Second, I have a network of grace-oriented friends primarily through my church who love me in the middle of anything. They completely accept everything about me even though they challenge me, as well. So, I live in grace and truth with them as much as possible, even when my insecurities are riding high.

Third, I have a list of about a dozen or half-dozen books that I point back to in my writings of authors who have inspired me and whose ideas or counseling suggestions have been proven over time through others and through experience. Examples are: Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. True Faced by McNicholl, Thrall, and Lynch. Wild at Heart and Captivating by John Eldridge and John & Stasi Eldridge. The Beloved by Nouwen. The Chronicles of Narnia and Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.

In the end, however, I must emulate these geese who are crossing the street in front of these cars. They are cute and courageous, but if they knew any better, they'd probably never have crossed in front of those cars in the first place. When we cross the borders in our own hearts that free us from legalism* we are like these little geese.

In our lives, cars are on the approach, yet we step out in faith. We take risks. We stop waiting for permission. We believe in God's protection. We cross borders. We write Crossing Border Stories.
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*For my purposes, I define legalism as the written or unwritten rules imposed on individuals within a given sub-culture that point us away from authentic relationships with God and others.

God is My Judge

There are all sorts of circumstances, ideologies, sub-cultures, people, and even my own mind who wish to judge me incorrectly. If I believe all these things judge me for who I really am, then I am doomed to a lifetime of frustration and self-rejection. This is why I believe in Christ. He judges me correctly. He judges me totally lovable because He has made me totally lovable. It is so counter-intuitive because so often I base my self-perception on my outward behavior instead of who God has declared me to be. He has put Himself inside of me. What kind of a God would willingly put Himself into one of His creatures and then put on a big frown that was dependent on anything other than His declaration of my righteousness? Christ doesn’t declare me righteous because of anything I’ve ever done to earn it. He simply declares I am righteous, lovable, delightful, fun, and enjoyable because He has declared me to be these adjectives when I came to my senses and saw that only He could make me this way in the first place. Then, He entered me in some sort of mysterious way and declared me to be all these things. Essentially, He declared me to be like-God, because by putting Himself into me, He had made me like-Him.

Now, when all sorts of things, people, and my own mind want to judge me, I pray to God as it is happening and say, “God, these things, people, and especially my own self can’t be my judge. God, you are my judge. I know You judge me correctly. Lovable. Righteous. Satisfying. I am not a mistake. Once I get centered back on who God declares me to be, then I can get on to maturity and living life to the fullest.

God Incarnate

The reason I believe Jesus is truly God-In-Human-Form is because of all the portrayals of God in the major religions and secularized spiritualities, I find He is the only one who fights and dies for us. In any of my objections I raise towards God sometimes, it is hard for me to get over this fact that He thinks I'm worth fighting for simply because He thinks I'm worth fighting for.

"God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." ~Romans 5:8

God's Assessment

Sometimes I ask God, "God, what is your assessment of me?" God says, "Steven, I live inside you. I like it in here. THIS is my assessment." Okay. Enough said. God's nickname might as well be something like "Affirmation". The "face" of God are those who tell me these things on His behalf.

~1 Peter 4:11

God's Glory in Others

The more I heal, the more I see God in other people. It might be just a sliver of something glorious, but it IS a sliver of something GLORIOUS. It is still very intermittent because I'm a very judgmental person, which distorts my view of the image of God in others. Good thing He doesn't define me by this. Still, I see little glimpses of Him inside of people more and more. Pretty awesome when it happens!

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." ~Jesus

The Adventures God Longs to Take Us On

Our desire to go on adventures is fueled by God’s desire to take us on adventures in the first place. We live in a fallen world where people hurt and are hurt by one another. God longs to take us into this pain and suffering in order to be part of the solution for repairing such damage that has been done. We experience feelings of joy and exhilaration when we go through stories of survival and rejuvenation. We feel ourselves coming to life. We feel ourselves coming to the rescue of those around us by being resources* for their adventures, as well. Adventures call upon our sense for the heroic and for the romantic. It is in our design to emulate Christ in this respect. He fought for us. He died for us. He loved us. He raised us to new life. God longs to send us on adventures which raise us and those around us to new life.
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*We are unable to force those around us to be rescued. We offer ourselves as resources with healthy boundaries. If I think I can save you, then I am falling into a certain level of co-dependency which is unable to save you in the first place. Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend is a good book to help spell out the difference.

God's Hug-Collar vs. God's Electric-Dog-Collar

During a sermon yesterday, my teaching pastor expressed how we often wish God would put an electric collar around our neck, like the kind some people put on their dog in order to control them and keep bystanders safe. When we are tempted to sin, God could simply shock us and get our attention. “No sin. Bad human!”

My pastor's assertion (and mine as well) is that God is not one to work in this way. His love endorses our personhood and individual decision making. He is not going to use the physical pain of an electric-dog-collar to prevent us from committing sin. This would make us robots. However, I do believe there is something that God does do when we are about to sin that is similar to the electric-dog-collar, yet worlds apart in its nature. I believe it is worlds apart because it is the kind of help He offers that appeals to our identity in Christ rather than our performanced-based-old-nature. I think my teaching pastor would also agree. Let me explain.

I find that when I am tempted to sin, there is this part of me that knows I need to share it with someone else in my life that I trust. This part of me (I believe) is God telling me which direction is the way out. In 1 John it says, “7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all[b] sin. 8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

One part of the way out (i.e. what purifies us from all unrighteousness) is to find a few trusted others with whom I can be transparent and vulnerable when I face temptation. For example, when I feel like going off on my spouse because I’m feeling resentful to them, this is a good time to call a trusted friend and say, “Friend, I’m ready to go off on my spouse right now.” This exposure and vulnerability breaks a lot of the power in the temptation to retaliate in such a situation. Also, a close friend who knows our sin patterns is able to help us see the situation a little more objectively and remind us that we are doing such a great job by trusting God in the situation and living out our true nature in Christ. Then, once we cool down, we can move towards our spouse in a much more healthy way (i.e. from who we really are in Christ), rather than being so reactionary. Of course, there are lots of other examples of sin, but I mention the above as a general example.

When we let a mature, trusted other into our lives in such a way, we are literally letting God into our lives. This is humility. This is the power to break sin. Making ourselves transparent and vulnerable with a mature, trusted other is the electric-dog-collar of another nature that God offers to us when we are tempted to sin. He won’t shock us, so as to force us into not sinning. Rather, He will give us a loving hug-reminder (usually a thought in our head) that we are a phone call or coffee rendezvous away from bringing our temptation into the light with a brother or sister in the faith. This faith-based and freedom-of-choice based hug-and-affirmation-collar is one of the major ways God is working with us to resolve the things (i.e. sin) that prevent us from really enjoying life to its fullest.

And, finally, there is one other amazing benefit to letting others into our lives. It isn’t just about us, this vulnerability stuff. It isn’t just about us feeling better about ourselves, although this is huge. When I make myself vulnerable to someone I can trust, I do two things that are others-centered and a huge blessing to them. First, I’m giving the person I’m being vulnerable with permission to act on behalf of the God of the universe (1 Peter 4:11). This is a huge way to actually give to the person we are asking help from. This might sound counter-intuitive, but by asking for their help, we are actually giving to them. In this way, it isn’t just for me, but for them. This is awesome. Second, I’m giving to the person I’m tempted to sin against. I’m not just calling a friend of mine to help me stop from going off on my spouse so that I don’t have to reap the consequences for such an action. I’m making myself vulnerable so that I can go back to my spouse in a loving way even though there is conflict that needs to be resolved and relationship that needs to be restored. This is also others-centered and also awesome.

Therefore, exposing ourselves to the light and being vulnerable as discussed in 1 John is not just about making my life more satisfying, but it is about giving to others as well. In fact, we might say that in giving to others that this is what makes our lives more satisfying in the first place.
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A reminder: For those who place their faith in Christ, we must remember that no matter how we perform, God's love and approval of us is constant and a never-changing 100%. There are a bizzillion amount of times that we will fail to live in the light according to 1 John, chapter 1. The point in following the wisdom of 1 John, chapter 1 isn't to gain God's approval, rather it is to mature and enjoy the lives God has given us and those around us. Also, because Christ lived in the light with the Father 100% of the time, then when I live in the light as well, I'm living out of who God says I am, "Christ-in-so-in-so". This identification is a huge joy.

Why would anyone in their right mind want to resolve sin?

Sin shuts down our hearts. It is the by-product of isolation and self-protection. It is the master of broken relationships. It is a simple turning away from God which turns into a complex and warped sense of reality, which God never intended for us to live. Sin is something that causes us and others deep pain and horrible scars that affect the entire storyline of our lives.

Yet, like the apostle Paul, I must admit that there is this great inertia or part of me that wants to continue to sin. I find myself falling into the old sin patterns and I begin to ask myself, “Why do I continue to do these things and why don’t I want to resolve these sin patterns?”

In all reality, the effects of sin are so devastating that in our heart of hearts, we desperately want to be rid of this negative side—this old nature. The problem is we face a part of us that includes incorrect motivations to resolve sin in the first place. Some of these are: looking good in front of others, getting what I want from God, getting what I want from my husband or wife or children, a desire to avoid shame or embarrassment, proving myself to me or God or others, avoiding the negative so I don’t have to feel bad any longer, and appeasing God to keep Him off my back.

Recently, it has occurred to me that as I’ve trusted God and we’ve begun working on my sin together, that I’ve found myself affirming others more often in my conversations. I’ve begun to see the image of God reflected in them or even seen Christ in them, and I’ve begun to tell them that I see Him inside of them or that they reflect the image of God. I’ve been able to see the risks in relationships that friends are taking, the leadership that they’ve demonstrated with their spouses or children, or pointed out the compassion I see that they have for others. It’s as if by my trusting God to work on my sin that I now see Him more clearly in the lives of those around me. The process of resolving sin slowly takes away this dullness which clouds my ability to see the good in others and affirm them with complements that I believe are truly from God Himself.

Bottom line: I want to come into the light, take off my masks of control and self-protection, receive love, stop trying to manage my sin, allow others to help me with my sin and weaknesses, forgive and be forgiven, and allow God to work alongside of me in the process of resolving sin because it transforms me into a man who can give, serve, love, protect, affirm, and tell others who they really are. For me, this has been so much fun and I’ve been able to have little spurts of joy when these things happen.

Before, I was so wrapped up in my own self-based motives for resolving sin that I could never see that the process of resolving my sin is primarily so that I can enter the lives of others and infect them with the kind of “Good Infection” that C.S. Lewis talks about. Christ in me stirs up Christ in those around me. He reaches out to those who are lost. He does acts of service, words of encouragement, hugs those who need to be hugged, and spends time quality time with others.

I myself oscillate between these two motives—self-based and others based. His dreams for me are that I would believe who He says I am already in-Christ and that I would see that the end-goal is for me to rub that belief off onto others. Jesus says in the Beatitudes, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Resolving sin in the here-and-now is motivated by my desire to see God in others and in my circumstances, whereby I see His glory. Without resolving sin, I have no ability to rub off His nature onto those around me in any way that might be called effective, because I have a hard time seeing Him inside of or reflected off of them in the first place.

One thing I want to be very clear about is that I haven't come very far yet. I still have lots of sin issues that need healing. The time line isn't what matters to God. What matters is that I've begun to get into the process of trusting God with my sin and that has allowed me to see Him in those around me. In conclusion, my joy to tell others who they really are (through word and deed) is one major reason I ask God to take me through the process of resolving my sin in the here-and-now. It is like taking off blinders that allows me more and more to see the reality of God in His true light.

I had Coffee with God the other Day. His Name was Chris.

I had coffee with God the other day. His name was Chris. Chris is a fellow believer in Christ and for some reason that evening, I realized that because he carries Christ inside of him that I was literally sitting in the presence of God. Low and behold, we had a great evening.

Seriously, think about it. If those of us who trust God’s heart (to rescue us through the cross) really do have the God of the universe living inside of us, then isn’t it true that every time I meet with someone for coffee, for example, like my friend Chris the other night, that I am literally sitting next to God and having a conversation with Him? Now, let’s not get all uptight with the language I’m using here. I don’t mean that my friend Chris “is” God, but rather that God, through Christ, lives inside of him. His new name is Christ-in-Chris. My new name is Christ-in-Steven. This means that Christ lives inside of me (and also anyone else who cares to call Him the God of the universe). Take this to its logical conclusion and we have to admit that in a certain sense, anyone who comes into contact with me or Chris or any other believer is literally standing in the presence of God. We simply put a face to His presence.

Of course, God is omnipresent. This means that he is everywhere all at one time or at least He is able to be everywhere all at one time, or something like this. I don’t really know how it works. But, in addition to that, for some reason we also must acknowledge that there is a special way in which He is reconciling the world to Himself through those of us who carry Him in us as believers. Those who stand in our presence, therefore, stand in the presence of God in a particular and a unique way. They stand in the presence of Christ-in-Steven or Christ-in-Chris.

This is completely and unequivocally lacking pride in any way. When I think about the fact that anyone around me stands in the presence of Christ-inside-of-me, it actually creates a separation between me and God and this gives Him total credit for any positive influence I bring to the other person. This profound influence I have on others is based on Him. Yet, it must also be said that my understanding that God lives inside of me and is influencing those around me also brings a profound sense of affirmation that the God of the universe is pleased to dwell within me. He has no reservations for doing so. He is pleased with me as I trust Him to live His life through me and proud of the influence I have on those around me. In this sense, I feel a stronger connection to God, despite the increased understanding of His separateness, as well. Tricky, isn't it?

Therefore, let us remember that we carry Christ everywhere we go and that even on our worst day, those around us stand in His presence in a unique way. God chooses to put on our face in reaching out to those around us.
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Some of these ideas from the next to last paragraph are lightly taken from a sermon last weekend, but the main idea of this blog entry is something I've stumbled upon over the past couple weeks in reflecting on my meetings with other believers.

The Misunderstanding of Romans 12:2

In Romans 12:2 it says, “2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

I used to think this verse meant “get your act together and stop sinning.” I spent years trying to apply the verse in this way. But what if getting our acts together and stopping sin wasn't even the point behind this verse? What if the point wasn't to stop sinning, but to transform our minds? And, what is it that leads to the transforming of our minds in the first place? Is it that we stop sinning? No. We will always do that. No amount of keeping the moral law will transform our minds. In fact, it is just the opposite. The more I focus on trying to keep the moral law, the more I will break it. Try to stop thinking about a pink elephant and see what happens.

The opposite of focusing on keeping the moral law is that I find myself turning to God and realizing who He says I am. He says I'm 100% forgiven already. He says I'm a saint. He says I'm His chosen one. He puts His arm around me in my deepest, darkest moment and says, "Son (or daughter), I'm here with you. You are in the middle of sin this very moment, but I'm here with you because I no longer count it against you. In fact, I stripped it away from you. Now, we are onto the process of healing you from the damage you have done and will do to yourself and others. This is now about healing now."

The world (and even more often the church) tells us that the pattern we must follow in order to be transformed into godliness is by sinning less and getting our act together. God tells us that the pattern we must follow in order to be transformed into godliness is truly recognizing that we have already been transformed into a godly creature by Him.* In this way our underlying beliefs about God's character and His value in us is what must be transformed, not our behavior. We must know that God thinks we are worth everything. The extent to which we know this about His character is the extent to which we see how glorious He is.

Over time, when we look in hindsight, we will periodically recognize how our behavior has changed as well. The changed behavior, however, only reflects the transformation that has already occurred by the renewing of our minds.

2011 addendum: About 6 months ago, I began to think of transforming my behavior in light of a transformed mind. What does this look like? One thing I have begun to do is to try to do good instead of eliminating sin. I can't defeat sin. But, I can focus on doing good. Thus, we don't break out of sin patterns and cycles by stopping them. We break out of them by doing good in the middle of them. We focus on the good. Then, I believe, the sin patterns begin to change over time. Currently, I'm making better decisions than ever before. Why? I'm focusing on doing good instead of trying to eliminate sin. This is a mindset that lives under grace.
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*This is the pattern of grace versus the pattern of legalism. I might as well summarize the whole blog entry by simply saying Romans 12:2 could be translated/interpreted as saying, "Do not conform to legalism, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Risk Taking is a Risky Business, Especially in Pakistan. Or, is it?

About 120 men* and I got on some airplanes and headed off to Pakistan in December 2006. An earthquake had killed 80,000 people (and destroyed the homes of so many) both in the cities and mountainous regions. Our assignment was to build as many shelters as possible in the mountains before the winter snow came. It was truly a “Wild at Heart” experience for those of you who are familiar with that book by John Eldridge.

I was on what we called the “third wave” or third group out of the 120. The first risk we encountered (even before our departure) was not one I'd anticipated ahead of time. We were getting reports that men on the first two waves were arriving without their gear and without their clothing. It sort of got lost in the airline-baggage-shuffle. Guys were out there, bumming clothes and food off others, sort of like soldiers in D-Day who lost weapons and ammo on the drop (Not nearly the desperation of D-Day, by any means, of course). We all got on the plane and prayed we’d receive our luggage on the other side.

The second risk was more personal. My knee had been severely bothering me. I didn't know the source of the pain, but it was real and it was freaking me out, thinking about hiking and working at four to eight thousand feet. I’d procrastinated seeing a doctor and this shelter building trip came up too quickly to see a doctor before we left. I was fully funded and ready to go, but I was afraid I might tear an ACL or something hiking up those mountains. I confided in two friends of mine (also on the trip) for their advice. They encouraged me to go as far as I could. Get me at least to the base camp, even if I couldn't work. Or, if was working and something snapped, they told me they'd carry me back down if they needed to. Talk about a couple of guys who had my back; or, my knee, for that matter.

The other risks were sickness, fatigue, radical religious people who might not like us, and finally all of the mysteriousness of residing among the mountain people of Pakistan for a week. The most difficult risk for married men was being away from their loved ones for such an extended period of time and the strain that meant to their relationships.

To tell you the truth, we all fell victim to every single one of these risks, at one point or another. Several lost their luggage, a number of us (including myself) got sick, men who missed their wives looked like sick dogs, and everyone was physically strained. One of the men from a previous group had a heart attack and died on the mountain.

What happened to my knee? All along the plane flight it had been hurting even more than before and I thought for sure I had committed some sort of wrong doing by bringing my hurt knee out there to get me into a jam that others would have to care for. Not to mention either that others had funded me for this humanitarian aid action and I thought maybe I was even morally wrong for taking my bad knee and their money.

I've had this weird/irrational sense of moral "wrongness" too in pursuing relationships, as if I'd be morally wrong in pursing them because I might hurt the other person. Or, what if we never had children because we thought we might hurt them? The human race would vanish.

Getting back to the story, I couldn't help but think of my two friends who had encouraged me to go, volunteered to haul me out of there, and thought that it was better for me to go than not to go. Thank God I listened to their advice. Not so much for the results, but because I let them help me, protect me, and meet my need in that moment. Essentially, I had let them love me.

What happened to my knee? It got better. The more I hiked up the mountain, the better it got. The more I worked, the better it got. I checked my knee out later with a doctor and X-ray results showed a minor case of arthritis in my left knee. The mountain essentially rehabilitated my knee.

Risk taking. It's a risky business, especially in Pakistan.

Or, is it? What is the riskier thing to do--build shelters in Pakistan and risk physical harm, or the risks we take in relationships with husbands, wives, children, church, business, and our own hearts? When I trust someone enough to risk letting them help me in an area of my life that I cannot, then that is some serious risk taking. I risk getting taken advantage of, betrayed, or at best, misunderstood or finding someone who doesn't know how to help me. The old patterns want to take over. I want to run, hide, and protect myself from a violation of such trust in the future. I won't risk relationships with others, the very thing that I need the most.

Finally, there is a payoff. When I find others I can trust with who I really am, then I can begin to heal by receiving their love. Just like I allowed my friends to encourage me to get on the plane with my hurting knee (which was then rehabilitated) so too I must take the risk of finding those who I can trust to help me with my "spiritually broken knees". This is the greatest risk taking of all.

Do you have a couple others who can help you get on the plane with your huring knee or your hurting spirit? If not, then you gotta find them.**
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*I can't actually remember the exact number.
**For help on how to do this, read "True Faced: Trusting God and others with who you really are" by Thrall, McNichol, & Lynch. Also, "Making Small Groups Work" by Cloud and Townsend is a huge help.

Friendship is Something Valuable

[The following is a 3 page paper that one of my tutoring students wrote for her English 101 class. She's trying to communicate her ideas to us in her second language. I think it is a great story!]

During my life I have been learning that friendship is when you share your experiences, talk about everything with someone important in your life and express your love for that person in many ways. Until now I did not notice that I have to take care of my relationships. Sometimes there are obstacles in the way that can affect relationships and this is how many problems between friends begin. Generally speaking, in life, when people feel embarrassed from conflicts with each other they want to run away. Sometimes they need help from another to take that big step and resolve what one cannot do on their own. This is an example of how my friend helps me to get over big obstacles, in some conflicts I was having.

I met Sonia couple semesters ago. We have been friends for almost three years. Our relationship is very good. I am proud of her and pleased that I have her as a friend. But not everything is sweet in this life.

Last year Sonia went to Mexico and she stayed there six months. During that semester I made some friends and it was a nice group. She had a good relationship with one of my friends, Luz. She was pregnant and she had her baby three months ago. This is how the problem started. A friend of us named Luz had her baby. She called me after and she sent me a picture of her little boy. Sonia felt bad because Luz did not send her a picture of her baby. The next day, Sonia called and invited me to go to the hospital to visit Luz. I was really busy that day so I told her that I would give her a call back if I had time. My father and my mother took me to the hospital for half an hour, so that I would not have to go the next day.

At night, I chatted with Sonia as I did every day. Then, I told her that I was in the hospital with Luz for a half an hour. She started saying that she waited for my call all day. I did not think that it was a big problem and I ignored all of her words saying that it was not my problem that she did not have a good day. In her words, she said that the people she thought were her friends were not.

In that moment, I shut down my computer because it was not the best moment to talk. I thought that we could talk later. But the later never came. Time passed and we did not talk anymore. She ignored me all the time and I did the same thing. During this time, I went through a lot of emotions. I felt sad because I missed her as a friend. I felt angry for having this trouble with her. But also, I had the hope that we would talk again.

Days later, I was talking to my friend Rosa. She is my coworker and we have good relationship. I told her that Sonia was my friend and how nice our relationship was. Also, in the conversation I told her about the problem we had experienced. She asked me why I did not talk to her. I said, “why me?” She was the one that decided to stop talking. She was the person that has to talk to me to apologize Rosa said, “If you think that Sonia is a good friend then talk to her about what happened. You have nothing to lose”. Rosa’s advice touched me. It seemed that Rosa had knowledge in her words. She told me some similar experiences that she had before.

My birthday was coming and I decided to call Sonia because I wanted her to spend the day with me. I was afraid. The next day, I saw her online. I decided to say “Hi!” She did reply and we have a long conversation about what happened. Also we fixed that problem talking. She accepted that she was the one that made this problem bigger. We both agreed that something that ridiculous we should not end our friendship. Our relationship is more valuable than these little problems which then become bigger and bigger. After that we started talking about what happened with each other during that time. I saw her the next week and we acted as if nothing ever happened.

We are still friends and I feel happy. It does not matter if I was the one that decided to take the first step. The important thing is that everything is fine. Now we know that if we have any kind of problems we had to talk about it in that moment and not to wait because we can lose moments and experiences together. We both learned that friendship cannot end for something absurd. Friendship is built on trust, love, patience and tolerance. In a larger sense, people help to see another person’s problems from a different point of view. They help open each other’s eyes when necessary. Fear, shame, and embarrassment are feeling that sometimes we cannot get over by ourselves, and we need each other. This goes for conflict as well as other problems we face.

Young Lucy Takes on a Life and Death Assignment

[You may not be interested in this blog entry unless you've read Voyage of the Dawn Treader. You may not be interested anyway, since this entry is rather long.]

Young Lucy took on an assignment, in Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis, in order to save the lives of her friends. Invisible creatures threatened to kill her, Edmund, Prince Caspian, Reepicheep, and the other members of their party if she did not march up the stairs of a two story house, locate a book of magic, and find the spell to make all invisible things visible. A magician who lived in the house was also invisible and so it was believed that Lucy would be risking her life to save the others, because he could attack her without any warning. The invisible creatures were tired of being invisible, were afraid to go into the house for fear of the magician, and for various reasons required a young girl, who happened to be Lucy, to go in and read the spell to make them visible once again. They threatened to kill all of the crew, if she failed to do this task. We find out later that the magician is a good person and wouldn’t harm Lucy, but that doesn’t matter because it was the fear she had to face before knowing this that made it such a heroic and terrifying act.

On a side note, it is important here to see the distinction between the tension in the plot and the underlying story that is being told. The plot obstacles are the fears she faces and the fact that she needs to find and read the spell to make all invisible things visible, or she and her friends die. This is the overt conflict in the story between Lucy (and her friends) versus the invisible creatures they can’t fight against.

There is an underlying story or metaphor that is occurring here, however, and it has to do with the following question: Why is Lewis using this idea of making all invisible things visible? Is there a second layer? The answer is yes and we’ll see this as I tread through the rest of the story.

Lucy enters the house, goes upstairs, and locates the magic book. She turns the pages but there is no table of contents. There are no words for that matter. They simply begin to appear as she turns each page, one by one. She can’t skip to the spell she needs to recite. Thus, she must read through all these other spells. In fact, these spells are very tempting. She learns how to cure people of all sorts of ailments, how to see what other people think about her, how to make her the most beautiful woman in the world (at least more beautiful than her older sister, Susan), and even reads the most wonderful story ever written, which she then forgets. Unfortunately, she does read the spell that allows her to see what her friends think of her and it is horrible. She misunderstands what one of her friends says about her and she feels shame, anger, and pain. The face of Aslan the Lion (the Christ-like figure in this book) seems to jump out from the page at her after she forces herself to fall victim to the temptation to read this spell and she quickly turns the page.

What I find so amazing and true to the human condition at this point in the story is that Lucy is distracted by these other pleasures or abilities in the magic book when, in reality, the lives of her and her friends are at stake. I think of the many addictions we face in life (both physical and psychological addictions) and how we risk our very spiritual, physical, and emotional lives in satisfying our pleasures in these distractions. Lewis is dead on in describing the human inclination towards sabotage. No pun intended.

Finally, Lucy locates and reads the spell which makes all invisible things visible. After reading it, she turns around to walk out the door and Aslan the Lion (the Christ-like figure) is standing in the doorway. She runs into his mane and they embrace. She says, “Why didn’t you appear before?” He says, “You made all things visible and I was always here with you.”

If it were just this simple that Lewis was trying to show us through Lucy that we often think God is not present when he is invisible, then it would still be a good story. But, the metaphor goes a little further, I believe. Not only is God present always even though He is invisible, but there is a lesson here to be learned about how the reasons for doing things are so often invisible, but once we go on with doing them that these reasons become visible afterwards.

Lucy, for example, probably faced all sorts of fears, second guessing, and analyzing of her situation as she walked through the house and up the stairs, in order to find the magical book. In fact, we know this from Lewis's description of her journey up those stairs. At any time, she might have freaked out and left. Had she done so, she would have felt embarrassed, ashamed, and afraid to return to her friends, especially since she knew it meant their deaths. Most likely, she would have run away into the forest in an attempt to hide her shame and escape her fate. Thank goodness, Lucy didn't do this and pressed forward, trusting that all would work out for the better. In the end, when all things became visible, she found not only that Aslan was there with her all along, but she also discovered many of the reasons why the other creatures were invisible, along with the good nature of the magician, and she also discovered the horrible things she was capable of while reading through the book.

What I'm trying to say here, is that Lucy never knew exactly why she had to go through this particular assignment until after it was over. Once she actually went through with it, ALL THINGS BECAME VISIBLE, EVEN THE REASONS SHE HAD TO GO THROUGH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

In our own lives, we often hear the expression hindsight is 20/20. I myself have taken many personal risks in this past year that have gone against the internal, dysfunctional, and unbiblical rules of my heart. Each time I have taken such a risk, it feels like I've been asked to do what Lucy was asked to do. I feel like I might die, especially because I don't know what the consequences will be. God is odd to me because He sets tasks before us that we have to accomplish without telling us the results, ahead of time. In the end, I actually have to trust Him, walk into the house, go up the stairs, risk being killed by a magician I'm unacquainted with, and find the magical book. Then, once I have done so and read the spell, I find that things invisible have now been made visible. The more I try to calculate the results, the less I learn about what is really happening. This is a trust issue.